Well, MC by myself was not that enlightening except that the MC said that I needed to find my purpose if I was going to move towards being happy. He did say that based on what I told him about my situation, this could go on for a while unless I decided that I was done. I think he didn't tell me much more than I had already obtained from my therapist.
I am embarrassed to admit that I think I really messed up the other night. I have been feeling really uptight about things and asked my W point blank as we were going to bed if she was still seeing OM. She said that "he doesn't matter". I asked, what happened to make him not matter any more. As things escalated, I actually told her that she should just go move in with him. She said "that's not going to happen". She was very emotional after I told her to go be with him (crying very hard). The next day, she wrote me a note saying that she felt like I really wanted her to leave and that she didn't see how we could ever work things out now. This is where I got even more stupid. I remember thinking when I said it, I was deadly serious, I just felt spent...done with all of this after nearly 6 months of trying to bottle things up. The next day, I softened my stance a bit which I know was not a good thing to do once I had let the go move out bomb drop. We are back at our equilibrium position as of yesterday and all of that seems to have blown over so maybe I have not blown things completely by becoming emotional. I was definitely not cool, calm and collected!
I did go to the Doctor yesterday and started to explore options in terms of ADs. She wrote me a script for a certain AD and my W saw it this AM. She called me at work extremely concerned about the ADs and said that one of her friends had nearly committed suicide because of the one that I had been prescribed. She seemed really concerned about me and upset and started making suggestions of things she could do to help me. I told her not to worry and that I was just exploring options for my depression and that I could handle it. I have not seen my W so concerned about me since this while thing began.
