Looking for help with WAW

[sandi2]

Sandi, my DB coach said to keep things friendly with my W. Said this would help my wife from possibly pushing away further.

I don't like to disagree with the DB coaches, but I don't see how you could push your W any further away than what she is right now. You have continued in responding to her emails and that doesn't seem to be working very well, so I go back to what I said before about no contact.

I do not think you should confront your W about being in an A. First of all, she would naturally tell you "no" she isn't having an A. Secondly, the two of you are S and she wants a D, so what would you do if she was having an A? I do not think you need to bring the subject up if you don't have any information/proof. If there is no boundary & consequense then what's the point?

The fact that your W has lost such a huge amount of weight probably has a lot of importance in this stitch. Was she overweight in high school? I'm thinking that here is a young woman who has made herself into a brand new body. She had a big scare and thought she might die, right? She was M to a man who had no job and was very depressed for a couple of years. She's looking better, feeling better, and ready for a new life with a new man. She probably wants to recapture some of her high school years or if she was overweight then....she may want to have a do-over (second chance).

I also think she's probably getting some ego food at that gym she goes to faithfully. If she's having an EA or more, that would be the first place I'd look (if I was looking), otherwise, I'd think it was an old high school secret flame who she never got his attention if she was overweight. Now, she may be contacting him via Internet.

Many things to think about but I believe it would be best if you didn't dwell on any of that stuff. Don't stick your head in the sand, but don't make yourself sick about something you have no control over.

As far as what I would advise you.....I go back to what I said in the beginning. Leave her alone and work on the one thing you do have control over....you. It is up to her to decide if she wants to reconcile. I think she has a lot of things to work out. I think if she were to go back to you....it will take a long time and you will have to make a lot of changes. It's not just you changing....but what she is going through.

She is being nice in emails b/c she wants you to give her what she wants. Tell her you will not agree to anything she want unless she can meet you face to face--and that until that time....you will not be in contact with her. Then stick to your word and stop responding to the emails.

I believe she will go for a D and you won't talk her out of it. I believe your only hope is to make yourself into the best man you can become and stop pursuing her. Let time do its work on you and her. Hopefully, she will see what a treasure she has in the new man you (will) become. If you will move forward with your life, it will be the best medicine in the world for you. Believe in yourself.