Setting a boundary about the "bookcase" really isn't about a bookcase and it most certainly is not random but I suspect you know that.

The boundaries you set now can set the tone for many things to come. Healthy boundaries are set to create a healthy space and foundation for you and perhaps your marriage (or maybe not). If your H doesn't like your boundaries, well, tough. Setting boundaries is not about enraging your husband. There are many very, very good book rec's about setting boundaries and why they are necessary. Why in the world would you cooperate with your H to dismantle your marriage? If he decides to divorce you there isn't a think you can do about it but you are under no obligation to help him.

If you are only 18 days in and feeling like a "bookcase boundary" is too much then why in the world were you requesting advice about MAJOR and very long term financial moves a week ago?

In less than three weeks this man has left you with two small children, suggested mediation, contacted legal counsel and introduced your two young children to a woman that you don't know. That doesn't sound all that cooperative to me!

You seem to need some big huge sweeping *thing*. You don't want to set a boundary that is not "authentic", you can't find ONE new activity as you are just certain it won't be nourishing enough for you because of your personality profile. You feel listening to DIVORCED MEN is wise and you are fearful of upsetting your husband more. He is not being a "good guy" simply because he is financially supporting you.

You say it's your nature to fight for what you want. Well, many of us are telling you how to do that in a way that won't push your husband away more but there always seems to be some reason as to why it just won't work.

Here is what you do... forget for THREE minutes that you are a mother and a wife. Look in the mirror and say out loud.. I am a WOMAN. W-O-M-A-N. Got it, self? WOMAN. I am not just a person that raises children and tends house and is a wife. I am a WOMAN. Say it. Believe it. Step off the high horse and find out what kind of woman you are. The strut away like you are a Victoria's Secret model and remember that 'tude because you are going to need it.

All this sounds VERY screwed up, we all get it. It's hard to be strong now because you feel weak but if you want any shot at saving your M you need to stop waiting for the perfect and ideal time to do *something*.