If you want my two cents - your daughter is going to have lots of people in her life. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, teachers, mentors, coaches, family friends, whatever.
You are her only father. Nothing can change that. Have that relationship with her.
When I say give yourself time to adjust - I mean, to being a single parent. Yeah, I depended on my wife for a lot with the kids. After all, you work as a team. She'd plan stuff for us to do, etc. When it's just me, there's a hole there I need to fill. But yeah, I have them at my place, I get them fed, I take them out for stuff to do, I play games with them and spend time with them. I may actually be turning into a better father.
But it's not easy. Feels like you're doing it alone, and it's a change.
I've felt weak and hopeless too. But I'm not. And neither are you. Find your strength. Like Lotus says, if you need to, see your doctor, see a counciler, whatever you need to do. I've done those things. You will find your way.
Hey, undrdg, I've been where you are. No OM problem, but I had lost my wife for sure. There was NO contact other than what was required because of the kids.
I felt directionless. Like I needed her there for ME to have any kind of reason for being. It was tough, but I had to find my own direction and learn to be myself again. And a PMA was essential. Just like you, when I was depressed, upset etc. she wanted nothing to do with me. When I was happy, she was happy. So whether you feel positive or not, you have to BE positive.
I think you have a reason to hope for reconciliation. It took a divorce for my XW (now fiance) and I to find ourselves again. We'll be getting married again this spring.
I've said this on another board: you know what doesn't work and what sets you back, and you know some of the things that do appear to work. So, do the things that you know work. BillM is right, you can do this.
Ron
M: 47 W: 50 D: 19 S: 16 Grandson: 21 months (now officially our son) Married: 10/2/89 Divorced: 7/31/09 XW moved back home 11/12 Re-married 5/25/10
Thanks for the words of encouragement guys. I do not know how to Be positive. I either am or i am not. Right now she has called me and emailed me a couple of times and i fight myself to pick up or ignore. I do this because i do not know what to say. I want to tell her that i can't stand being so close to her and not be loved by her, but i can't cuz that shows weakness. I am weak right now. Thats the bottom line.
I don't mean to ignore her but at the same time i do. I don't want her to be mad at me but at the same time i do. MOre than anything i want her to fight for me but that won't happen. That is a pipe dream that should not have even left my fingertips. I want her to pine for me, instead of another man, but i can't do that in the state i am in.
I need i break but i don't need a break. I don't know if that makes sense. Right now I have the trifecta of crap: Bankrupt,Divorced,Jobless. Even though I am in demand in my field(sharepoint) it still takes time to get a job and get your benefits back.
I guess the biggest thing that i am dealing with is that i have failed in the biggest 3 themes of life and i am having a bit of a problem dealing with it by myself.
Me ex is from here. Her whole history, family, friends are here. I moved here for her. I set the fact that i was an outsider aside for her. But i could never fit in. That weighs on me heavily. And is having more of an effect than I thought.
Im up one day, down the other. Being by her just exasperates my need to attach to her more. I went dark without meaning to go dark.
I am probably doing more harm to the relationship by being dark, but how can i not be. I feel like everytime i say something to her it is the wrong thing, therefore not saying anything at all is probably the best thing to do.
Damn it to hell. I royally, royally, messed up. I was trying to do LRT and I failed. Why was I doing LRT? Because everytime I talk to her i get an anxiety attack. I needed time to get away. But could i stay away? no....I had to be mr sensitivity. I called and called her and no answer. So i took it upon myself to go over to her house and tell her the truth about what is going on with me. I knew i should not have gone but there was something inside me that just kept telling me to get it out. SO i show up. There was a dude there. They were kissing. I knocked on the door. She opened. I was loosing my mind and she invited me in to meet this guy. She proceeded to introduce me. Mind you i told her several times that i should go. And i should have gone. But she basically kicked this guy out and invited me in.
We talked. I basically told her i could not have any contact with her for a bit. And i left.
I have lied to the people here who have tried to help me. I am so very sorry.
I cannot DB because frankly I cannot be true to myself.
I have been having sex with women for a couple of years now. I was busted after all this happened. I am deeply ashamed. I could not stop my behavior. This may be the underlying root cause to my divorce. Even though she did not know about any of this during our separation and divorce i am found out now.
I think i am a sex addict.
I do not deserve help. I made this. Now there is no hope at all.
I'm with these guys - it's not about what you deserve. Stop punishing yourself, figure out what you want for you, and do it. Get counciling. Set goals. You're the only one that can do this for you. You want something different, do something different.
