how do i keep my hope alive?

[trytryagain]

I am new to this site. I have read DR and multiple other books, as well as having 2 phone sessions with a DB coach. My H is a WAS. We are both 30, been married only 2 years. Broke up twice before getting engaged, then 9 months into our marriage, he dropped the bomb that he didn't want to be married anymore. Never really moved out, but did stay with family/friends for a while before deciding that he wanted to change. Diagnosed with adult ADHD, attended counseling on his own and eventually the 2 of us together. Things got back to good and I learned to heal the hurt he'd caused. Time passed, I pursued him, seeking assurance of his love, he withdrew. This is a recurring thing with us. In November 09, I told him I felt we were on different pages - we'd been talking about a home and starting a family (we have no children), and he changed his mind, which scared me so I began seeking assurance. Nothing really resolved, but tension between us for several months until early January he again dropped the bomb. Said it would be better for both of us in the long run, he'd lost faith in our relationship, that he just didn't have it in him to fight for us anymore. I have owned up to my responsibilities in getting us here, I have been critical and acted resentfully and made him feel like nothing he ever did was good enough. I have apologized and asked for a chance to make the same changes he wanted to make in himself last year. I am sorry, he is sorry. We are both heartbroken. He still insists this is the only option. He has not moved out yet but plans to look at apartments this weekend. He also just got a new job an hour away that he starts a week from Monday. I am (as everyone else here seems to be) completely devastated. We have had our problems and our ups and downs and sometimes it's a roller coaster ride, but I have never questioned our commitment to each other, nor have I ever doubted that we weren't right for one another.

I have read, researched, made changes, kept my calm, said all the right things, talked to a coach, prayed and prayed and prayed again...and I still feel so hopeless. How do you keep the hope going when the most important thing in your life is heading out the door? He says we should split now before we have kids because he doesn't want to battle over custody later...but there has been no infidelity. No lying, no sneaking around. No lack of intimacy, no weeks without speaking, no days without doing things together. He is my best friend and I don't know how to keep up with hoping that my DB steps are going to work when he keeps saying he's done.