Flushing the toxins from my life

[CountingCrows]

Oh yeah...have I mentioned that I quit my 1.5 pack-a-day smoking habit the morning of Jan 5th? Why the hell I picked this time in my life to do this, I'll never know!! So far, though, so good. I haven't cheated once. I'm using nothing but nicotine gum, mint Lifesavers and sheer willpower.

After 20+ years of smoking, I quit 8 years ago, when my W was pregnant with S7 (something she was unable to do), but I started back 2 summers ago when I found out W had been smoking during "girl's night out". After I found a hidden pack, I was being a smart-ass and asked her for one, then within 2 days picked them back up like I had never stopped. Meanwhile, prices shot up like a rocket and complaints from S7 became more frequent. W ended up smoking the same amount as before PLUS chewing $40 worth of nic gum every few weeks. She had quit smoking cigs a few years after S7 was born, but never kicked the nic gum habit.

After W left around Halloween, I was relegated to smoking by myself out in the garage. Not much fun, but the stress of the separation seemed to make them burn in seconds. I guess I finally decided that if I waited until it was the "right time" to quit, I'd never do it. Now that S7 and I are on the team alone, I realize more than ever that I want to be here on earth for him as long as I possibly can. Talk about incentive! It's what keeps me going...just like before when I knew he was coming.

I'm not going to be "That Guy", and I can't really say anything, because I KNOW how addictive they are, but I really wish that W could put them down again. She was very sick with bronchitis for over 10 consecutive weeks this Fall/Winter, and although the smoking probably didn't cause it...it certainly didn't make her recovery very quick or easy. Right now, as "destitute" as she's been since she moved out, she still seems to find a way to continue smoking.

Anyway...I'm happy to be going into my 45th year as a former-smoker. I am very proud of myself and have gained confidence and self-esteem in my ability to let something go that I truly love SO much (even though it's SO bad for me)...HMMMMMM???!!!...think that this philosophy could be applied towards other things in my life?! Perhaps!