Waiting More Than a Dozen Years

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

How are you? How's the thinking going?

A mind is a terrible thing....

Actually, I am adequate.

In my neck of the world, the John Edwards admission about his mistress' child being his is dominating local news. Of course, the fact that their house is just a couple of miles from mine would explain that. I have some thoughts on that situation since John Edwards is less than a month older than I am.

During the last couple of weeks I've gone back to writing on my autobiography. Made some good progress, lots of stuff that I simply hadn't thought about in a very long time and some interesting insights into what has driven my choices. I have an advantage in that I have some previous journaling that gives me contemporaneous views of how I looked at the world.

One of the things I've noticed over the last couple of weeks is that there is a way of being that I take on around caregiving. It isn't like I take on some other mantle, but more like there is a part of my daily routine that I "drop" off my persona in the day-to-day interaction with my "working world" persona.

I relate to it as a core part of who I am that extends back to myself as a child (taking care of and looking out for my brother). For me it's a "quiet place."

But I have also asked myself a question that I haven't asked before: Do I even want a sexual relationship with my wife any longer? My automatic answer was "yes."

Now I'm not so sure.