H suddenly moved out 10 days ago...I'm devastated

[flowmom]

I think I have been officially 2x4ed . Thanks CG, I know you meant it in a supportive way. As for expressing myself in a "fancy" way...that's just who I am .

I think that OTMT's cautions regarding boundary-setting are pretty relevant for this situation. First, so far H has been playing ball in terms of doing the childcare that he can, financially supporting me, and doing what he can to make this as cooperative as possible. Second, H only moved out 18 days ago...I don't have the emotional clarity to set authentic boundaries yet (I don't really care about the shelves themselves, they are just a symbol of his setting up a home elsewhere). Third, random boundary-setting would be a big negative trigger for H. Based on my many male divorced coworkers' experiences, he is expecting me to get really mad and punitive and for things to get ugly and turn into a big fight. That's not what's best for me or my children. When I set a boundary it will be me defending the values and needs of me and my children.