We have been married for almost three years and looking back we have been heading down this road for about seven months so I know I still have a lot of work to do.
It's only been five days since you joined the board, so yes, you have a lot of work ahead of you. I get the feeling that you allowed some physical affection turn you into jello, but don't be fooled into thinking she is through with OM.
I would not be too quick to jump in and expose if this has not turned into a PA. That's not saying an EA is anything to not take seriously, but I have seen exposing an EA backfire in a tragic way. If she was having a PA openly, bragging to friends & co-workers....then that is different. I know a lot of the men support exposing, and I do in certain cases.....but as a former AWAW, I caution you to be careful about that. Exposing an Internet EA could come across as being very vindictive.
I do believe in confronting the W about her EA and I do believe in setting boundaries. That needs to be done first. If she doesn't respect your boundaries, then you go to the next step, which is packing her bags and having her go live with daddy. After reading your last post, I'm not sure you are strong enough to do that.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
