Flushing the toxins from my life

[CountingCrows]

Level headed? Hmmm...I have to believe that this is true, although I really feel more like a bobble-head on the dash of a car racing down a dirt road.

This is all so painful, so strange, so stressful. In the past week, my emotions are so close to the surface that I have nearly no control over my tears. A brief thought, a few notes of a song, the sound of distant thunder...all trigger uncontrollable flooding. I barely feel that I'm holding it together most of the time.

But, I'm trying to be objective, rational and not allow my emotions to control decisions that will ultimately affect S7. I'm trying to be the best man I can be, demonstrating respect and even love in a time when it would be easier to go the opposite direction.

I really don't want to be W's "friend". It's the last thing that I want right now. I want to be her HUSBAND and everything that entails. But for now, that's not my choice, and even if it was, it's not the healthy thing for me or S7 at this time. W and I have to go back to the beginning again...becoming friends, (re)establishing trust in each other and discovering independence within ourselves.

Gotta go pick up S7. I'll be back later.