It would be easier if he was still a total jerk, but I still see him as a really good person with a big heart and such a good husband...so i do feel like i pushed him away and don't deserve him, not the other way around.
If he was a really good person, would he have just walked away, used you financially but never be willing to work on the marriage? I'm not saying he's evil, but I don't think he's the saint you're envisioning him to be now. I think that's just your guilt talking. Try writing down all the good things and all the bad things he's done to you this past year. Making an objective list may help you see things from a different perspective.
Stop beating yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes. Maybe you did push him away. But you started working on yourself and wanted to work on things, he just wanted to take the easy way out. Continue to be someone who is willing to work on the hard stuff. When you deal with your guilt, you'll see that you do deserve another chance at love and it will come.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
