Very wise words, Stuck. I think that is what I was trying to say except my version was rather garbled.
Many WAS simply never get to the point of actually taking a personal inventory or realizing they did contribute to the demise of the marriage and they are not the victim. As much as we would like for it to happen it simply does not. My H has felt no consequences at all other than financial and he will only feel that for a few years. Other than that he is fine.
Honestly, while 95% of the time I feel I am in a decent place when that 5% of "ick" hits I feel rage coursing through my body with the fallout I still deal with. He goes to work, hangs with his friends, has OW and goes about his day without a care in the world. He surrounds himself with people (he always has) that validate every move he makes. I honestly think I am the first person in my H's life that has EVER stood up to him.
I do agree that many LBS take the brunt of the blame thinking it will help. In my case I refused. If my H is telling me the truth and me being diagnosed with lupus was the turning point for him I simply REFUSE to take any blame for that. I certainly did NOT want to find out I had a disease and pardon me for inconveniencing HIM. My god.
I have to believe, simply because WAS are human (maybe? lol!) at some point they have to feel *something* even if they never share it or act on it. Even the WAS deep in an affair on some level has to know, even for a second, that the situation is not good.
Pain hits you at odd times. I wonder if 5 or 10 years from now if my H will ever just stop and think... holy sh*t, I really made a mess of things and how I handled them. Sadly, most WAS fail to realize they have a very soft and safe place to land. It is just a very, very life altering experience for anybody and everybody involved.
