Quick summary: Last 4 years M had been slowly sliding downhill. Oct 18: H gives ILYBNILWY talk and mentions D Nov 13: first post in newcomers – PDT and others asked OW? Dec 07: confirmed OW Dec 09: confronted H and requested access to email/phone. Discovered another A from emails (2007). In house separation starts Dec 13: H admits A Dec 28: end of in house separation Jan 11: first MC appointment
I am struggling with the thoughts: I am of weak character for staying in a marriage (where H had 2 A's). Doesn't society tend to portray a strong person as someone who leaves the M when a S cheats? Or am I showing signs of strength by staying in a marriage tainted by infidelity, choosing the path to work towards achieving a well balanced R and M?
I need to remind myself why I have not given up on my marriage: 1. I don't want to have any regrets that I did not try hard enough 2. I still love H; H has lovable and admirable qualities 3. I want my children to have both their mother and father in the same household
I have also been thinking about the fact that H has not had to tell anyone about the A. H did not even have to tell the counsellor as he already knew from my previous IC session. It really bothers me that he has not had to tell anyone. I have confided to 2 of my close personal friends (no family members or mutual friends know about the A). I feel he gets to live without judgement and he does not have to face any consequences from family/friends for his actions. He still gets to perceived as a “good husband/nice guy” and “oh, he would never do anything like that” image. I feel like I am hiding his dirty little secret. Would I feel better if his family, my family and our friends new the details? I am not sure it would make me feel better.
I know I need H to show more remorse for his past actions. Saying sorry once does not cut it. I don't need to hear the actual words “I am sorry” but it would be nice to hear someting like “ you mean the world to me and I can't believe I risked losing you and our family”. I want to hear I am the better choice! This leads me to consider that I let H back “IN” too soon. Or am I expecting too much and too soon?
I need to concentrate on the good points so far.
1. H is still on board with MC every 2 weeks 2. H suggested that we make Mon night available for R talk after I voiced my complaints about how he can block time out of his schedule for football but not me. 3. H makes an effort to be home early enough for family dinner 4. H lets me know if he will be late and where he is working 5. H has been trying to make an effort to help around the house more 6. H spends more time with the children 7. I have access to emails/phone
I am overwhelmed by my emotions on a daily basis. Next MC appointment is Monday and I will wait to see how that goes. But I do think I will need some IC too.
And I need to get back on the bandwagon of Galing and working on PMA.
