I hope he will at least calls me to accept or decline but based on his actions as of late....I won't hold my breath but I must try to stay positive. I've never experienced so much rejection in my life but this IS what infidelity will do to a M.
Rejection is hard at any time, but excruciating from the one we love. Consider this a taste of karma, perhaps. Having an A is a rejection of everything we ever promised them we'd be or do.
Quote:
I also wanted to explain that part of the reason (although NO EXCUSE FOR INFIDELITY) was that I felt as though my husband had already left me mentally, emotionally, and sexually for quite sometime. In this aspect I would consider myself to be the LBS.
You may be right here, but let me offer an alternative theory. We as WAS and the cheater have selective memory, even after the end of the A. (Actually, technically everyone has selective memory, but I digress.) I, for instance, remember that my ex OM went out of his way to do nice things for me. He always smiled when he saw me, always told me how much he loved me. We always had amazing sex. And my H was so vindictive. He only wanted to be sure that I couldn't be happy. He didn't care about me; he never did nice things for me. He barely even touched me. And he never had anything nice to say to me, even before I met ex OM.
Hopefully you can see the flaws in these "memories." It's absolute crap. My ex OM left me for another of our close friends and proceeded to give her every single empty promise and declaration of love that he had previously lavished on me. Far from not caring, my H fought me tooth and nail every step of the way, refusing to relinquish our M because I was acting like an idiot. I know that. But it's hard to remember it that way right now.
It's easy to get angry now, as my H rejects me and lays his heart bare for another woman. Sometimes, I am sad to admit, I even think of how unfair it was for him to deny me possible happiness with my ex OM if he was just going to leave me anyway. (Absolutely NO logic in that one!)
The point is, memories are tricky. It's part of the reason focusing on the present and the future is so much more productive. Things I remember with stunning clarity, my H recalls entirely differently. What yours did or did not do is somewhat irrelevant at this moment. Figuring out which category(s) you fit into does not move your marriage reconciliation forward.
Quote:
I also wanted to ask some of you that have been the WAS if you ever felt like maybe you should give up on your marriage if your spouse doesn't "appear" as though they want to work the marriage out?
Well, I can't think of many things that say "I don't want to work on our marriage" like a LBS turned WAS in an A. My H doesn't appear to want anything but a nanny, cook, housekeeper, and personal assistant right now. And yes, absolutely I feel sometimes as though this fight isn't worth finishing. Haven't I gone through enough? And I suppose the answer is yes...if I'm willing to be less committed than he was.
It's true, you can't force your H to take you back. But it's what you want. So what is the price of reconciliation? I guarantee it's far higher for him in trusting someone who has hurt him than for you in accepting his hesitance and even some rejection.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
