[quote=rockedworld]Some days I wonder why I even want to be with a person who doesn't want me. Other days I wonder what is so wrong with me that H doesn't even want to try.
Yes, I am really struggling with both of those .
Regarding working out a parenting schedule, I wonder if using a tool like Google calendar would be helpful? That way you could both have access to the calendar and work on it without having to meet about it in person if that's better for you. Just an idea.
Hang in there.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thursday night I spoke with H regarding spending more time with the kids in the month of February. He picked a couple of more days in February that he would like to have the kids. It worked with my schedule so I said okay.
Friday night I went out dancing. I had a good time and honestly didn’t think about H the entire time.
Saturday was S6’s basketball game. He did great. H was there but I only spoke to him for a few seconds.
Sunday I woke up with a migraine headache so called H to see if he would mind taking the kids for the day. He said that he could only take the kids for an hour or two because he had plans. I am guessing his plans include watching football all day. I said that’s okay, I will make do. So I made myself comfy on the couch all day with a pillow over my head while the kids watched way too much TV. I was pretty much out of commission until about 7:00 last night.
Then this morning I get an email at work from H. Feeling better? WTF? Why does he even care? I am not even going to bother with a reply.
I have an appointment with L today. It doesn’t look too good for me. I have way more in retirement savings built up. We make about the same in salaries, so no alimony. We are splitting the kids 50/50 so no child support. The house will have to be put on the market and sold. In looking at the houses in the general area, I don’t think I can afford to stay in the same school district. It makes me sad. I love the neighborhood, schools, etc.
Well enough for now.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
The house will have to be put on the market and sold. In looking at the houses in the general area, I don’t think I can afford to stay in the same school district. It makes me sad. I love the neighborhood, schools, etc.
IMO, this isn't just about what's good for you or your H. It's best for your children to stay in the same house and school and their needs should be a huge priority in whatever financial agreements are made. I encourage you to think about what's best for them then work back from there in terms of what you're aiming for. Your children shouldn't have to lose their home and school because your H has had a change of heart. Basically, you're their advocate.
Maybe you'd be willing to trade some of your assets to make keeping the house as your asset possible? Is there any way that could be done fairly? And maybe you could get a roommate or boarder to subsidize the cost of the house? In my case, I will probably try to find someone who would take on half of my apartment mortgage as an investment so that I could stay here with the children. And I would consider a roommate, even though we have a small home.
I don't know the details of your sitch so just brainstorming here.
me: 42 | STBXH: 41 | T: 18 | M: 10 | separation: Jan 3, 2010 | they deserve better: S7 & D4 current thread: http://tinyurl.com/3y8sxcp .: first breathe, then heal, then start LIVING :.
Thanks for the new perspective Flow. You have given me something to think about.
From H’s point of view, he doesn’t think this separation or D will ultimately affect the kids in the long run. From the beginning he has always stated that they will be okay. He also believes that moving to a new house/apartment and changing schools will not be a big deal either. Kids are resilient he says. Whatever! They may be resilient, but that doesn’t mean they won’t be affected.
Mind – In my state, child support and alimony payments are calculated based on a formula setup by the courts. It is what it is and every attorney would field the same results. This is the third L I have spoken to and all of them have provided me with the same basic info.
The meeting with the L today was very informative and she confirmed everything that I suspected. She did some number crunching for me. Since we would be splitting the time/cost with the kids 50/50 the most I would receive for child support would be $6/month. Yes, six stinking dollars. It is possible that I would also be eligible for $300/month for up to 3 years in alimony.
I liked the L and will probably retain her when the time comes. For right now, here are the options as I see it.
A.) Do nothing and wait for H to make a move. Financially it would make sense for me to wait as right now H is paying me $500/month for household expenses. Is it possible for a LBS to cake-eat? Back in mid-December he mentioned mediation as a cheaper way to D and that he would like to take this route. I would like to interview the mediator prior to setting up a meeting but I haven’t heard back from H. I am guessing his lack of response is due to the holidays and his work travel schedule as of late.
B.) File a petition for D.
I am leaning towards option A for right now. At least until I can get the paper work put together. Then, I don’t know…
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
MO3, You have to do what is right for you, but IMO you wait for him to act, and GAL. I can tell you that we moved several times(different states) when my kids were little like yours and they did adjust quickly to new schools, friends, etc.
The divorce will be the hard part IMO on the kids, no matter how well it is handled. My STBXW believes in the utopia that being friends and using the "Sandcastles" approach, etc, and the kids will be fine. You will forever be tied together because of the children somehow. In a divorce it is a "tearing/ripping" apart, so there has to be pain with all involved and we have no idea the effect it will have on the kids. I pray for you and all others on this forum, this is not the way things are supposed to happen.
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