I also wanted to add that I do believe that some of this can work if you have the right kind of WAS. Ha! Is there a "right" kind?!
Some people are simply too far gone. It is terribly painful but that is how it is. I do not think my H hates me or even dislikes me. In fact, I think he admires what I had to endure for the past 2 years. For him though any sort of "work" in a R is not what he wants. He has always believed you either feel it ALL the time or you don't. And maybe that is not wrong for him but it certainly is not something I "get".
And I think many times ALL of us go in to marriage blind. The things I used to think were so funny about my H turned out to be so funny, charming or special about my H were actually MAJOR issues he had.
I knew going in my H never took a risk and he wouldn't do ANYTHING unless he was 110% sure there was no room for failure or error. For a highly educated, highly successful man that is a very childish outlook. If he could not believe in himself in the good times and bad (as an individual I mean) then how could anybody else believe in him? And for a long time I did.
There is no big secret - long term R's w/o solid and healthy communication fail every time. That is it.
I actually believe in marriage now more than ever because I finally "get it". Who am I to say my H's version of marriage is wrong? It's just not right for me.
