A few random thoughts and a request for guidance and/or clarity!
I am almost done with my first week of school. I like my classes, I like the people, the department and all of that. I do not like 8am classes. Very bad. My brain does not work that early. I feel a bit suffocated by all this structure. And, why do grown people wear pajama pants to school? Is this a new trend or what? Today I sat next to a grown lady wearing bright blue pajama pants (flannel ones at that) with smiley face snowmen on them. Did she forget to change her clothes? Am I missing out on some fashion trend? Why do grown adults try and sneak texting during class? Maybe I am just too old to "get it"?! There is a "man-child" in one of my classes. I call him a "man-child" because I am quite certain I am old enough to be his mother or maybe even his grandmother. My gosh, did I look that young in college the first time around?
Y'day my H messaged me. He said he wanted me to know he was working on a long message to send me this weekend. Um, ok. He said his west coast counterparts are here for the week ( a work thing) so he is busy. Ok. He said he needs totally privacy and concentration for this message. Ok.
He then tells me how sad he was last Friday because he knew it was the dog's b-day and he thought about her all day and what a great dog she is.
He said he wanted to tell me all this so I knew I was not on the back burner in his mind. Ok.
If I had to speculate this message will be the finest piece of WAS ever written. I decided to save him a whole lot of time and messaged him back and basically told him I think it is time for us to release all the burdens. I told him I was tired of these long and dramatic e-mails. I told him I don't respect him at all because he bypasses every boundary I create and I am sick of his dishonesty when there is no more reason to lie. I told him I really could not think of one productive or healthy reason to keep going "back and forth" like this on e-mail for what is going on TWO years. I told him clearly we are in very different places of personal growth and discovery and I will never get him to see things "my way" and I certainly choose not to see things "his way". I told him I feel it is best for me to stop trying because at this point it simply feels like we are both trying to get the last word in and I imagine we both have much better uses of our time.
