Wow, those are some tough questions. Hopefully others will be able to put their 2 cents in, but here’s mine.
1) That’s tough b/c S has these feelings but b/c he’s 2, he really doesn’t understand. I think at this point, you should just continue to show your unconditional love to S and let him know that H loves him, but I wouldn’t involve H right now, especially with #2 in progress. I think H will feel pressured and overwhelmed and maybe feel like you are trying to guilt him into #2. (instead, you might want to incorporate these issues into the talk once you are actually together for the meeting so he knows where S’s heart is in this whole thing too). That much being said…
2) Oh this darn economy! Sorry to hear about the school cuts. =\ We’ve had some ridiculous cuts over here too and it’s just been so disastrous. So, I think you are right that it’s time for a straight forward R talk. It could go either way at this point (D or reconciliation) but it seems like you are at a point where you are strong enough to handle either. To let him know that you are serious about the relationship and a resolution and are strong enough to move forward with or without him could be a very powerful statement to him. But just going into it you have to prepare yourself and your heart for the worst, but still hope for the best. Regarding the agenda, I think it’s a great idea and it looks very thorough. One question, will H respond ok to receiving that? For some, they would appreciate the heads up on what is going to be discussed so they can prepare their thoughts, but for others (like my H), it would just freak them out and overwhelm them. You know your H the best, so just wanted to bring that thought up. Just also be prepared that H will reject a meeting all together (like you said, he’s never made a decision before so he might resist making a decision now). But overall the list seems very thorough. If I think of anything that you might want to add to the list, I’ll add it to the post.
One note for you regarding the taxes: I would discuss with your tax professional of course, but filing as “Head of Household” could be a great possibility. I don’t recall all the specifics of it but it has similar tax breaks as filing as married and is a great option for single mothers who provide the majority of the support for their children. I am going to be filing as married this year (if nothing more than to show my continued support of our M to H) but I want to look into Head of Household more for next year.
Good luck and let us know what H says about the meeting!
Me 27; H 28; S 2 Togeth 9; M 4 Sep 11/14/08 EA OW1 Sep 08 EA OW2 Mar 09 EA OW3 Jun 10
