((((Mind))))There were some positives in your day. First of all, your H acknowleged your anniversary and he gave you a gift. That is huge and some people here would give their eye teeth for that. Secondly, you did celebrate with dinner even though it was with the kids.
From my viewpoint your challenge now is to move from being great friends to also becoming H and W and lovers again. Do you think your expectations got the better of you yesterday? Or was it just comparing the day to past anniversaries?
Do you think that you are need to have a chat with H? I know you have not had R talk for a long time. I think in a sense that was necessary as you sought to rebuild a friendship and you have done a stellar job with that. Do you think he is ready for the chat?
Just wondering.
Btw, I was reading your story about the clerk with my mouth agape. I could just picture it going down.
I understand MF. You guys go out to dinner as a family all the time... so nothing "special" about that.
The flowers were a nice touch.
Don't let nice gestures fool you people. My STBXH bought me a $3500 anniversary ring for our 18 years last spring. He also handed me by wedding rings and sweetly asked me to please wear them again.
You see where I am. I am just saying nice gifts don't mean squat! So, don't read anything into not giving or getting gifts from you H.
He is where he is and it seems appropriate for where your relationship is at at this point. Remember he stresses about money so if you appear to be unhappy with the flower... might he think "oh, see mf hasnt' changed at all, she expects vacations and such like I did in the past"... I'm not saying he thinks this but he may. Your 180..... the flowers where the bomb. Brag about them to a friend in front of your H.
Hey, but what the heck do I know anyway.
M:47 M:18 D16, S19 1st S 1/08-5/08 Reconciled/May 7, 2008 Left again Nov 9, 2009 I Filed: Nov 17, 2009 Final: April 14, 2010 EX walked away from kids too
but, the nice gift thing...remember, if someones love language is gifts, then no matter what they buy is important, and most likely they will want to spend more money because that is how they receive and give love.
Mindful, I think sandy is right that what happened seems appropriate for where the sitch is. Obviously we all would want more, and it is hard to compare what used to be, especially since those vaca's meant a lot to you.
what happened to my idea of send a sexy pic and no gift!?
IMHO, don't do any ILYs unless he does it first. But, I think him getting you a gift and acknowledging the anni is a very good thing.
focus on the little positives, not on what is lacking. (((Mind)))
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
It wasn't the gift. I actually loved it. It's just hard not to receive a card, and not to want to celebrate it w/just me. I feel like every year he makes it less important.
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
I just did a kickboxing/boot camp class w/the BFF. I have never, in my entire life, been this out of shape. MY GOD! I can't say it felt good either!!! I was sweating like a pig, and wishing there weren't mirrors all over the room!
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
It wasn't the gift. I actually loved it. It's just hard not to receive a card, and not to want to celebrate it w/just me. I feel like every year he makes it less important.
Hey Mind, most guys don't get the importance of the card (me included... until recently) so don't take it to heart.
Originally Posted By: mindfull
I just did a kickboxing/boot camp class w/the BFF. I have never, in my entire life, been this out of shape. MY GOD! I can't say it felt good either!!! I was sweating like a pig, and wishing there weren't mirrors all over the room!
As always you never fail to bring a smile to my face. Thanks Mind, I needed a laugh today.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
that is awesome about the class! I did that 10 years ago, and I should probably do it again! I need a good kick in the butt!
yes, the card has always been really important to me too, but G is right, that is not typical guy behavior, and especially if he likes to hide his emotions. I remember H used to give me great cards, and then stopped. but he gave me a good one for xmas, and I didn't even get him one!
and honestly, the card was really cool and very sweet, but now, I guess they aren't as important to me. I think because I have learned to take care of me, and not expect my H to make me happy, which I used to do. that is the only thing I can think of why my feelings have changed about the cards. don't get me wrong, I loved it, but it wasn't like I was dying to get one, if that makes sense.
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
I hear ya on the card. And, ST he ALWAYS has bought me a card, even at times when I wouldn't have though to... It just felt like another check-off in the list of rejections.
ST and Sandycay...
I'm sure you'll be proud of this one. The roses in the flower display he got me opened up beautifully today. I took a pic from my phone, and txt'd it to him w/a note. It just said... "All of the roses opened up today! Gorgeous! Thx, again!" He replied, "You're very welcome."
He ended up calling me later in the day re: home stuff. Sounded like he needed to sleep for about three days.
Had a mini-talk w/D18 this evening. It went as well as expected. I think she is beginning to understand what her constant life drama is affecting me/us. I got a txt from her later... it's hard being a student, and working, etc... NO KIDDIN'!? Even harder when you add so much partying to the mix? Sheeeeeeeeeesh!
I feel a tad bit better this evening.
Oh, and I got new glasses today! Ha! I wear contacts, but am now requiring bifocals (nice visual, eh?). I tried the contacts w/bifocals in them, and they didn't help at all, and I had to give up some of my other vision to get them! Dumped them!!! So, in the meantime, I had to get new glasses because, at S12's tournament bball game last week, during the first half I was staring so intently at the game that I wasn't blinking, and my contact dried, and popped out! So, I put the trusty glasses on. Well, I got so ticked towards the end of the game, I took them off, and shoved them in my purse. Went to put them back on, as I'm blind as a bat, and I had broken them in half! Niiice! So, new glasses are fab, and have the lineless bifocals. I'm livin' large now.
Oh, and PS - G, you'll love this. I'm SO SORE already, and I just had class this am!!! I'll need a rail built in the master bath to potty tomorrow!
Last edited by mindfull; 01/22/1001:42 AM. Reason: potty talk
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
