You are a strong woman. I think the BIG difference is you seem to be in a very healthy place, detached at a reasonable level, you aren't pretending or living in a state of fantasy (as many of us have!) or viewing things through rose colored glasses.
This is TOUGH business, lol! I know you and I have disagreed to a point about too much "pretending" when it comes to children. As a child of divorce I know how silly it feels to watch your parents try and create normalcy in a very abnormal situation. You seemed to have found a healthy balance and that is the most important thing.
