Wow. That's the first time I've ever heard someone say that they'd be okay with an OW as long as their good with their kids. That's pretty big hearted of you.
Right now his being generous money-wise is just that - a payoff. It seems like he's buying you out. As a man, if I wanted to see my kids I would do it myself and not depend on my spouse to do it for me. It may sound a little superficial, but it sounds like he's getting off scott-free and just needs to sign a check to feel better about himself.
Good for you though.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Wow. That's the first time I've ever heard someone say that they'd be okay with an OW as long as their good with their kids. That's pretty big hearted of you.
Right now his being generous money-wise is just that - a payoff. It seems like he's buying you out. As a man, if I wanted to see my kids I would do it myself and not depend on my spouse to do it for me. It may sound a little superficial, but it sounds like he's getting off scott-free and just needs to sign a check to feel better about himself.
Good for you though.
First, I trust his judgment. He doesn't have an OW, but if he did, I trust that it would have to be quite serious before he introduced her to the kids. I would do the same if I met someone. Our children do not need a revolving door of relationships right now. So when / if we get to the point of an OW, like I said, as long as she is good to my kids, I'm okay with that. I am their mother. I'm not threatened by that. It's not a matter of being big hearted. I am of the opinion that the more people who love my kids, the better. Getting pissed off about an OW playing with my kids is ridiculous.
I don't know, and cannot control, how he feels. He is being generous financially because he has 4 kids who need to be taken care of. I don't consider that paying me off. He comes to see the kids at my house, but he can't transport 4 kids on a motorcycle. I take the kids to his house because they need to get used to existing in his world. They need to spend time at his house. As far as getting off scott-free, we are both in the place we need to be right now.
I'm going to carry on with my life. If he wants to file, he can.
You are a pillar of strength. I for one applaud you.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You are a strong woman. I think the BIG difference is you seem to be in a very healthy place, detached at a reasonable level, you aren't pretending or living in a state of fantasy (as many of us have!) or viewing things through rose colored glasses.
This is TOUGH business, lol! I know you and I have disagreed to a point about too much "pretending" when it comes to children. As a child of divorce I know how silly it feels to watch your parents try and create normalcy in a very abnormal situation. You seemed to have found a healthy balance and that is the most important thing.
