She has a daughter who had a hard time bonding with me until my wife dropped the bomb. Right as she did this the kiddo grabbed hold of me for everything she is worth. She REALLY became open and affectionate.
I am the one coming home. She said she is willing to try being roommates. That was yesterday. And yes she has told me she wished I would have done the things he is doing. Specifically she told me of a conversation they had where he said something and she said all she could think was why didn't my H do that. She also stated why could I have not been doing the things then that I am now. Just little things like really listening and validating her feelings. Supporting her when she is anxious without trying to fix anything and telling her good job when she tells me she struggled but made through her anxiety. You know I really have been an blind jerk. But I REALLY like these changes ion me. I really like the man I am becoming. For the first time since she and I met I am really learning to love myself and it is making all the difference in my head and heart. She also told me yesterday that she does not know what happened to the man she knew but she does not want him back she just does not know what to do with who I am now.
Today she called me and spoke to me about her fears of life and some anxiety she has been having being home alone. She told me she has not been getting to sleep until after 2:30 in the morning. Being Native American we believe in different spirits and she was wondering why things in the house were happeing. I validated her feelings and she asked me if I could speak with one of our elders and I said yes. Then she asked me what our clan mother said when she saw us both. I was unsure about telling her because I do not want to push but I did anyway because one of her biggest complaints about me was not communicating with her when I was uncomfortable. SO I told her that our clan mother said she saw a whole lot of love between us but also a whole lot of fear, hurt, and skepticism and that the hurt and fear have to be worked through. My wife at that point said she does love me more than anything in the world even to the point of her own undoing. For the first time she did not bring up OM or that she does not want me she just asked me to believe her and to keep working on myself. I said I am doing me regardless. At that point I let her make some small talk and then ended the conversation.
