Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

Well. H called last night in a bad mood. I asked what was wrong and he said he was unhappy. And stressed out. So there you have it. He is leaving again. It was the exact same line he gave me four months ago when he left the first time.

Britt, you drive me crazy when you do this. This is the textbook definition of "mind-reading".

So, try this on for size.

Make plans to have someone watch the kids for you one night soon.

Tell him that you want to make dinner for him, at home. Make sure he agrees to come home; no last minute "I just want to hang with the boys".

Keep dinner conversation light and friendly. After dinner, tell him something like the following:

"You been telling me that you are unhappy and stressed out for a while now. Do you want to talk about it?"

If he does, listen to him. Look him in the eye. Ask questions that show you are really engaged.

If he doesn't, then you tell him that you can't live like this. You want to be his wife; you want to be there for him when he needs you. And you need him to be there for you, and for the kids as well.

If he can't handle that, then you are going to look into filing for divorce. Like I said before, his greatest weapon against you is your fear of doing anything to upset him or drive him away. Take that away from him and see what happens.

It's not healthy for you to live in constant fear of what your husband is thinking or planning to do -- again, a textbook example of codependant behavior.