Let her be. In your summary you say she already felt smothered once.
Go about your business and QUIT being readily available for her. Give her a dose of the reality she thinks she wants. Don't answer the phone. Don't return calls or messages. If it's something that must absolutely be discussed, stall, wait it out a while, then return the call.
Yes, she said she felt smothered when we started hanging out for the 2-3 weeks in December.
I havent been readily available for her in the past month. I live 2 hours away and we only talked for maybe 5-10 minutes a handful of times. I havent seen her in a month, no talk besides Tuesday in over 2.5 weeks. I gave her the space, what she wanted, I guess she felt comfortable not having me in the house or in her life.
I woke up this morning thinking about her and wanting her. I told myself this was the last time I could do this, have her say "its over". I know its normal. I thought about txting her to see if she thought of an answer to my question, why she felt we couldn't work on the M last month, that would only be me pursuing her again...
Originally Posted By: Wholeagain
Can you sign a separation agreement and not file for D? Usually you don't have to file for D unless you want to litigate.
She wants a D, the separation agreement and other documents are done at the same time. She didnt even file for D, the mediator said it can be done all at the same time. Yes we could just do the sep agreement, but that would be me trying to stall the D, how would that look to her? Me being needy, desperate.
Originally Posted By: Wholeagain
"She said she wants to talk in a few days when I thought things over... "
What does she want to talk about?
I think she didnt want to start breaking down, which would make her feel bad (I guess). So she wanted me to cool off for a couple of days (I guess) then talk about the plan of moving, separating property, and the mediator.
Originally Posted By: Wholeagain
Me thinks you need to detach more. Have you read any of Coach's threads? Threads in "Piecing" on how to be your WAS's friend?
My W doesnt even want to be my friend. I tried talking to her before New Years about her new job, the pets, etc. She said "We arent friends, we are married and seperated." I asked when could we talk, just chit chat as friends. She said "Ill let you know." That was late last month. When we talked on Tuesday, she said she knew she didnt want to work on the M 2 weeks ago.
Originally Posted By: Wholeagain
You are still talking, you's W's flip-flopping, no OM. Have your read "Magic of making up"? The main scenario there is to ok the break up, but stay or become friends with x and go from friendship back to R. Most sitches on this board are too complicated to apply this strategy as prescribed, but you have a good chance for it to work. Maybe you could try this before you follow through with your plans to move to another city?
I talked to her about this last month, that I wanted to just be friends, get to know each other again, I would live in an apartment in the same town. She didnt want this. She said it would be to easy for us to see each other, thats why she wanted me to move out of town. It sounds warped, I know, but I gave her what she wanted. A week later I said I saw a job oppourtunity in the town we live in, she got mad, didnt want me there and said if I did stay we wouldnt see each other.
Originally Posted By: Wholeagain
On another note, your W saw your enthusiasm every time she had second thoughts, so now she knows she can have you whenever she wants to. dday has some good suggestions.
Yes, of course I was happy, maybe to happy? She loved it though. I remember telling her how much I loved her, she would say "tell me more" in a flirty kind of way. Now that I think about it, it makes me sick, since she is the complete opposite. She acts as though im scum, that Im the one that broke her heart... I only said the love word 2 or 3 times, didnt want her to feel pressured.
So what choice do I have. Im expecting a call from her any day now. I cant plead or beg, she wants a D (again), the 6 mths are coming close to and end. Do I try to reason with her again? Do I question why she didnt want to work on our M, what made her decided? I am driving myself nuts, I need a job, I need to go on with my life, with or without her... Since the beginning, I wanted it to be with her.
Last edited by brknheart; 01/21/1003:58 PM.
Sitch: http://snipurl.com/u4zrz
M-11y
D talk-7/28/09 W Moved out-9/01/09 W wants D-9/22/09 W doesnt want D-12/1/09 W Moved in/I Moved out-12/21/09 W wants D-1/19/10 D Final-04/15/10