I have basically fallen out of touch with all of my friends family and everyone. I can blame my training and residency for that but I can blame my marriage on it too.
I basically have always had relationships with other people when it suits me... I need to reconnect with all the people who are important in my life and try and be a better friend to people... rather than just use people for their friendship because it makes me feel good.
I have basically fallen out of touch with all of my friends family and everyone. I can blame my training and residency for that but I can blame my marriage on it too.
I basically have always had relationships with other people when it suits me... I need to reconnect with all the people who are important in my life and try and be a better friend to people... rather than just use people for their friendship because it makes me feel good.
so that's what I'm going to try and do today.
Can you do this with a smile on your face and NOT talk about this ????
IF you cannot.....there is a saying here ....
Fake it till you make it....
Remember, a true friend will ask YOU what you need, instead of telling you what you need to do.....( unless you ask)
I think that maybe the problem is that, I know Brad read the DB and DR book, but he needs to break down short term goals. And then take baby steps to reach them. One foot in front of the other. Make small goals that he can obtain right away. Start chipping(pun) away at those goals. If he look at the MLC as one huge problem, it can seem insurmountable, so the natural tendency is to just give up. But he said he doesn't want to give up.
Brad I hope you are reading this. What can we do to get you some smaller obtainable goals?
Then stop talking about it and thinking about it for now.
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as for empathy for my wife... its hard because she is so remote, both physically and emotionally-- that I know she is in pain but I do not know why.
Empathy comes with time.
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Perhaps none of that matters... but that she is in pain.
Right now, that is all that you need to accept.
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as for what I have done to grow and learn.. again. you are right. I've read a few books.. read a lot on this web site to understand MLC.. but get mired down in my own self pity for the most part.
This is a cycle that you can break. But it takes a lot of time and looking at it from the outside. Removing your emotions and grasping the concept.
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and yes. I'd like her to put aside her feelings from the past... and understand how hard and maybe impossible that is.
This is called sweeping it under the rug.
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I have tried to understand what she is going through. I have tried to give her the space and time she needed... but I have not done as good a job with that obviously as I could.
So do better starting now.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
This will be the high point of my day... it's all downhill from here...
...anything has to be better than a name like Lester, Marvin, Melvin, Larry, Jeffrey or Poindexter.
BTW... My favorite cousin is named Bradley (Brad for short). His nickname growing up was Gridley. As an adult, we tagged him with the nickname "Captain Huge" from some story he related about what a lady expressed to him.
