For me, what snapped me back to reality was time and what my h was doing. I knew, deep down, that what I was doing wasn't right.....It took me time to realize it. My h was a quiet DBer (never got the books, just did this on his own). He stopped arguing with me, stopped making me mad at him, did a 360 in his actions, all of those things I had wanted him to do for years he finally started doing, and the kicker that did it for me was he went to a counselor on his own "to help himself be a better man" and to save our marriage. I no longer had the excuse that he wasn't trying. For me, I couldn't leave the marriage if my husband was trying, but it was easy for me to say, "He gave up on me, and there is nothing I can do." Another thing that did it for me was the fact that I had a child. I kept thinking how even if I found the perfect man for me, I would have to have my child part time and that I just could not bear. It seemed idiotic to me to not try when my h was trying and I had everything to lose.
