CH - Are you seeing an individual councilor? Just went through your sitch again and you have gone through some significant events over the past couple of years. Not sure how these effected you but I had some similar events that threw me into a state of depression. Not implying that is the case with you but as men we sometimes hold things in and they effect us in ways we don't always understand.
Guess the other message of DB is take this time to make the best you, you can be.
_________________________ Me-41 W-39 M-15 yrs T-17 yrs D-12 S-9 S-8 B 5/08 S 1/09
I've been thinking about the move-out situation. If it comes to that, I'm going to let her know that I have no plans of setting renting a place and setting up a permanent residence for myself. I'll let her know that I'm willing to give her space. My Dad has a large place and room and I can stay there weekends with the kids or a couple nights a week. If she insists on a complete separation, then she'll have to realize that she's also committing herself to seeing her kids two weeks out of every month because I will make sure and get a place that will accommodate me and the kids.
We actually have an appointment with a professional marriage counselor this coming Monday. We were seeing a couples counseling through our church (a couple that survived a similar situation), but they suggested we needed a professional. She said she was willing to go, and they made a recommendation. It's covered by our insurance. But her mood/attitude changes daily, so I'm hoping that she is still willing to go. She was a bit skeptical when she learned that the counselor is a man and does not have a female partner, but I let her know that he did say he has woman counselors that he can recommend to her and work with them. Before we started our counseling together, she had started seeing an individual counselor on her own that she said she felt comfortable with. I encouraged that was what she needed. I'm hoping she'll stick with at least trying this counselor together.
As for me personally, I do have a strong network of Christian brothers that give me solid counsel. I feel okay with things right now and am working on my relationship with God.
No. I don't suspect an affair. What about the 'space' idea? No apartment ... weekends at my Dad's or every other weekend ... if I'm home when she doesn't want me around, I feel likely to fall into an old habit or slip and give her justification for not wanting the marriage to work. Last night, for example, I gave in this thread the example of the house not being 'show ready' when people were coming to look at it.
I'm on chapter 6 of DR, Take Stock. I'm having difficulty categorizing how I rank things. I was tempted to go the "I'm Discouraged" route because since I've started the program, her attitude has deteriorated to separation. But then I thought I may fit into the "Better, But Not Quite Yet" category because I do feel better focusing on myself and working to be a better husband, father, and, most important--servant of Christ.
Am I on the right path? Why does there seem to be no change?
I've been thinking about the move-out situation. If it comes to that, I'm going to let her know that I have no plans of setting renting a place and setting up a permanent residence for myself. I'll let her know that I'm willing to give her space. My Dad has a large place and room and I can stay there weekends with the kids or a couple nights a week. If she insists on a complete separation, then she'll have to realize that she's also committing herself to seeing her kids two weeks out of every month because I will make sure and get a place that will accommodate me and the kids.
I am going to strongly suggest that the person that wants out of the M moves out. They need space. YOU set a boundary that they do not take the kids until a written parenting agreement is in place.
A man does not let the woman dictate what he does. If this is a 180, stand up to your W. She will respect you. She may get angry.
"I have decided that I am staying in my house with my children. You are free to leave if you need the space. We will be fine without you."
Her: "bla bla bla you can't take care of the kids bla bla bla I will take the kids and go live bla bla bla"
"You will not remove our kids for the marital home. If you do, I will file an injunction"
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
...I do feel better focusing on myself and working to be a better husband, father, and, most important--servant of Christ.
Am I on the right path? Why does there seem to be no change?
Change all starts from the inside. Keep making change.
180's work.
Are you passive, then be aggressive. Are you always calm, start being expressive with emotions. Do you always bend, become ridged. Are you controlling, start setting boundaries.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
I am sorry to see you here and I know your pain. I have only been here a short while but do not make the mistake I made. DO NOT MOVE OUT! I did for last week until I stopped being the victim and told her I was moving back in because I refuse to live with someone and pay her bills up there so she can continue her internet affair. Again DO NOT MOVE OUT!! Other things that have worked so far...Get A Life. Start doing things for yourself. Your self-esteem and rebuilding it are the most important things you can do right now. I had to take a hard look at myself through her eyes to see how hard she did try and what I was not doing. When I saw myself for who I was I did not like it but knew it could change. Since doing my 180s my self image and self confidence are skyrocketing. This causes confusion and doubt in the WAW. This stuff really works. It is good you do not think there is an affair because i am having to fight not only the WAW syndrome but an EA over the internet that has her in a fantasy world. But let me tell you that if you work on you things can change. I have already started to get some results and have met one of my goals. But you have to do this for you or it will be seen a mile away. The other thing is believe none of what you hear and half of what you see. Many times WAW have a script and it is all the same. Change you and make you happy. DO NOT BE A VICTIM!!! DO BECOME A SELF MADE MAN!!! Live evry day not just as if you have moved on but as if everything you want is going to come to you. You can do this. get control of your emotions and start remembering who you are. Remember your strength, your commitment, and that no matter what happens you can come out standing on your own two feet. This is important!
