Question

[awest1217]

Doing better today. I am still nautious, but not as bad and not as tired. So today I need advice from anyone willing on two situations.

1. Last night S wanted to watch Finding Nemo. I didn't think anything of it, but by the end S was watching very quietly and I wondered what he was thinking. Those of you with kids know that it is all about a son and his dad. Well last night he would NOT go to sleep. S has been sleeping in my room again since H stopped contact. S kept sitting up and saying how Nemo "scared him". I think it was that watching it made him sad. Then this morning he asked about H and I asked if he missed his dad and he said yes. What do I do? Do I call H and let him know what is going on or do I just let it go and keep letting S know he is very loved? I have been telling S that "daddy is mad at mommy right now, but he loves you very much". I know that is not the truth, but he is 2 and I can't say "daddy is confused and doesn't want to come see us right now" because he would then ask why and he is 2. He does see my brother a lot and H's brother a lot which helps with the male role model, but it isn't the same. I did ask S last night if he wanted to see daddy and he said no he just wanted mommy to hold him. Any advice?

2. Today we had a corporation meeting at work, and in IN the govenor (ugh!) has cut school budgets more than once so what that means for where I work is the school has to somehow cut $4 million over the next 2 years, and I am sure we are not the hardest hit so please say a prayer for our schools. Anyway, what this means is a possible salary freeze and having to buy more supplies out of pocket. I don't believe I will lose my job because my classes are at capacity and there are many teachers who could retire before me so I think, knock on wood, I am ok although I am low man on the totem pole. Knowing that all of this is coming I decided to text H to have a meeting and here is what I said, "Good morning. I need to have a meeting with you sometime soon to discuss our future. I just got out of a meeting where it was said that my school has to somehow deal with an approximate $4 million cut over the next two years, and I know your school is probably dealing with the same thing. It was said that everyone is going to feel the cuts and the way it is looking at best, unofficially, is we are looking at possible salary freezes, but also buying more of our supplies out of pocket. I am not looking for money from you, but what I am wanting out of this meeting is a clear plan of how things are going to proceed with us so I can make decisions about S's and my financial well being for the future. We will be good, but I need to start planning ahead and can't very well until things are settled with us. Please text me back with possible dates to meet and where you would like to meet. Thank you and have a good day." I am thinking that once he texts me a date that I will then send him an agenda as to what I want to talk about. I think this is how it could go...

What does he want to do about out relationship
Move back home and work on us, including counseling
Stay separated, but truly work on us, which will include counseling and no OW
Stay separated and act as if divorced
File for D

Visitation (right now he never sees S and never asks)
Does he want visitation?
What days? (based on IN law S does not spend the night until 3, but H would get every other weekend, every other holiday, and one day each week)
If have on a Sunday will H take him to church?
For his family things, will we both go if invited.

Child support
If no visitation, then want to pay support?
New support numbers including higher day care
If going towards divorce and wants no contact with S then health insurance will need to change

Other money issues
House? Sell? Refinance?
Taxes? File Separate but married or joint? (I think separate but married because I will get a lot more in a refund)
Car insurance? Does he find a new carrier?
Life Insurance?
Cars? Need to get the cars situated and possibly get a new loan in just my name (my car died over a year ago so we got a new one. His has no loan, but he has not taken care of it so I would have to put a bunch of $$ into it to keep it running well.)
Cell phones? Just started a new family plan
House phone? get rid of landline and put in my name only

Other issues
Changing Address? No longer going to be his mail carrier (problem with some mail like house info coming in his name)



Any advice out there or anything I should add to the list? I will not add all the specific details, but just the headings and what would need to be covered so he can make a decision (which he NEVER has done) before we meet.

Thank you to anyone who helps!