Perhaps someone can answer these two questions for me or at least have some insight. 1. Is it normal for and MLC-er to literally become the POLAR opposite of who they were before. Some examples that my H used to love or be adamant about are:
-Loved to surf. When we were married he would get up everyday rain or shine at 6 am and hit the beach and had since a child. Now he says he never wants to surf again and has put all of his boards up for sale. -H was a neat freak about his appearance, his home and his car. Now he could really care less. His car is disgusting, his grooming far from what it was before, and as far as his living conditions, I'm not sure. -H has always dated very conservative, I guess preppy, women. His OW is tattooed and pierced, young, blue collar and uneducated. Complete opposite of myself and any woman he was with before me. - Used to love our dogs. Now anytime he is around, roommate informs me that he just yells at them to get away from him. - Would give the shirt off his back to his friends and very loyal. Now with OW, doesn't speak to any of his old friends at all. They have abandoned him to a degree as well for his indiscretions recently with OW and towards myself. - Loved his job, said it was his passion in life. It really was and he has been there 8 years. Now, he HATES it and doesn't want to be there anymore at all and wants to switch careers entirely, just doesn't know to what. - Grew up in this coastal town we live in and had a deep affection for it. He would seek out art of local landmarks for our home because he loves it so much. Now he wants to move to the west coast and never come back. - Used to spend all his time at the beach, now he never goes and spends all his time in our downtown, young, trendy area. Sounds weird, but our town is divided to a degree between the two.
It seems so unfathomable that EVERYTHING is opposite to what he had done his whole life. There is nothing inside him that resembles who he has always been and the things he has always loved. Is this normal? I feel like an MLC-er would at least exhibit one normal behavior because that was who they were for so long?????
2. I was going through the boards yesterday and saw somewhere that there is research that shows when a loved one dies, the grieving individual can sometimes take on personality traits of the deceased. Has anyone heard of this? I tried to research myself, but couldn't find anything. Perhaps my terminology in the search was off. The reason I ask this is because my H father committed suicide VERY suddenly and unexpectedly a year and half ago. My husband never really grieved for it because he was the oldest child and felt a responsibility to his family to be strong. However, my H father made mistakes during his marriage to my MIL that is rarely talked about. My FIL left his family at the age of 33 for a year (possibly his own MLC, I would say). My MIL told me at one time that during that year, FIL made her out to be a monster to others and also cut off ties with his friends as my husband has done. There have been slight indications of an OW in that situation as well, but it has never been said directly. Is it possible that my H is trying to gain some sort of closeness to his F by reliving his life????
Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.... As with almost everyone on here, these situations have deep undertones and the surface seems very superficial, but underneath they are very complex.
