New Thread For Bradley11

[cat04]

I do feel that resolving to move on would potentially be the real wake up call for her-- which in some ways goes against what many people say here (that MLC needs to take its own time course). In your case it sounds as though it did wake you up a bit... so I'm not sure which is true-- unless you were not actually mlc or in crisis and were going through something else....

It will only wake her up if she is ready to wake up.

yes... I do feel at times I need to be the grown up here for sure.

This is completely true. You do need to be the grown up. Especially if this is a life crisis you are dealing with. Grown ups take the time to look at things and make decisions that are not based only in emotion.

B—

Do you want a D? Can you look in the mirror and into the eyes of your children and say, I have done all that I can to save this, and there is nothing more I can do? And have not regrets, not sadness, but regrets about the whole thing?

You have only been at this seven months. During those seven months, what have you done to grow, to learn, to become a man that your W would want to come home to?

That any woman would want to come home to?

Because to be honest, I am not seeing it. I see ego, anger, self-righteousness, more ego, control, self pity, and some smugness. You have accomplished a lot and you have a right to be proud. That I will not deny. But does it make you the end all be all of men? Not even close.

I am going to bet you posted to Jack specifically not only because he has a restored M but because he too has ego. Or at least what comes across as ego (sorry Jack :))But he has walked a road that you have only barely begun. He is not the same man now that he was when he first started posting here. It is evident in his posts.

You say you have sympathy for your W. But do you have empathy?

You say you understand how you both got where you are? On some degree, yes I am sure you do, the details. But it sounds to me like you would like her to just put aside all of her feelings as past, and just begin a new. That, is not always so easy.

What I bet you absolutely do not realize, is that all of those years you were off doing your training, she was at home. She was the one taking care of you, your house, your kids, your life. Waiting for you. WAITING FOR YOU. Alone. Married but alone. Married to the father of her children, but a single parent. She did this for nine years and you can’t even do this for seven months?

Just because you can’t understand what your W is going through doesn’t mean she isn’t going through something. You could try to understand the underlying things, depression, anger, confusion. It doesn’t happen quickly that understanding, but I haven’t really even seen you try to do any of that. Because you are too worried about how you feel. And about what is important or necessary for Bradley to have the life that HE envisioned.

Is how you feel important? Yes it is. But not any more important that how she feels and what she is going through. Maybe not even as important if you understood.