Yesterday I went back to work after 7 weeks at home. When I reunited with my colleagues several commented that I looked really happy and relaxed which was funny because I felt quite tired and the break wasn't overly relaxing for me as I was stuck in a 'hot bed of emotion' as I cleaned through cupboards, sorted and threw out stuff and returned gear to H. Obviously this process was very healing because I am finally feeling contentment. Today as I was singing along to my ipod I realised, "Wow, I am actually happy!" It's not that I haven't had happy times lately but they've been overshadowed by the 'stuff' in my life. The happy times have been the special occasions, the family gatherings, the outings with friends. Today I'm just happy because I am; there's no reason.
H's trip to Fiji was hurtful but him not being around has been wonderful. I don't want him to return. I don't want to see him anymore. It's taken such a long time but I think I've finally got it, I mean really taken it on board and understood it. I am a wonderful person in my own right and I don't need H. Actually, I don't even know this man but what I do know of him I really don't like. There's no place for him in my life the way he is and probably no place in my life period.
I am even feeling excitement as I face this new year. This is my outlook for 2010 from a fb quiz I took;
2010 is a good time to travel and explore the world and for developing relationships with people from different backgrounds and cultures. This is also a good period for further study, training and developing faith and trust in the spiritual dimension of life. You may get an opportunity to teach, write or share important knowledge and information with others. Don't be pre-occupied with finding the perfect phrase or line, speak from your heart, let the spirit move you.
It really spoke to me as I am travelling and I am studying this year and I have reconnected with lots of friends from o/s lately.
I am doing lots for me. It's my 5 yr cancer anniversary. I have loads of friends and a wonderful family. I live comfortably. I have a fantastic job with a very understanding boss. Blessins are bountiful. It's my time and it's really exciting. This has been a journey but I finally feel I might be on the scenic route now!
