I can certainly identify with your frustration, I am dealing with similar crap in my own sitch. We all have to blow off a little steam now and then and you can't expect to execute flawlessly 100% of the time. I don't know if the occasional irritation with our STBXWs will ever go away- probably not- but their power over us will diminish with time.
The email as described sounded more frank than antagonistic- I wouldn't dwell on it too much. No 2x4 from me on this one.
M: 41 W: 39 S: 11 S: 10 D: 4 1st contact w/OM: 1/19/09 EA began: 2/14/09 EA discovered: 3/1/09 I file for D 8/25/09 to protect myself _______________________________