I completely understand the boundaries thing. Setting boundaries can help each side know what they want. It might not be best to go overboard. Maybe (this is a big maybe) the bookshelf can bring him memories of good days and his past commitments. Maybe it is box at a time because he is looking for a reason to stay, or an invitation?
Who knows! I know many days I don't...but patience is tested most in situations like this. The two days my W and I were separated and I was 1% away from leaving for good were the two days I thought she'd given up and wanted me gone. Boundaries are good, but emotional reactions can easily come from what seems like a boundary.
I'm thinking about the shame idea in the book I read - if he worked with you and bought with you a bookshelf, but then wanted it, how might he react if he was told hands off? If the D was happening for sure...who cares, but otherwise a piece of furniture could become a wedge.
