What Now?

[WhatNow]

Funny you should mention the consulting fm. H and I have had a consulting business for over 20 years but we have others that do the actual work. I have been advised to not change my financial situation until after D. He has been ok tho with the money, putting in what needs to be there and paying off the credit card every month.

He called on Mon. to talk about DS. (he hasn't spoken or seen him since he left 12/27) I need to find DS a new school and he wanted input. He started with "miss you" "it's hard to not talk to you". I stayed silent for a bit and then updated him on DS. He then asked if it was ok for him to tell me "that stuff" about missing me. I said I was focused on me now. Then he started to give me a To-Do list of projects.....yea yea Have yer wife do that is what i wanted to say! The best part was, I am ok after that! I have direction. I have a plan to grow out of this emotional quagmire.

But then...DD texted me, "Dad is still wearing his wedding ring??" I felt...hope?? Hope confuses me. It keeps me stuck in chaos. Can't have hope AND move on, can I?? It feeds my denial and inability to accept that he is gone. But should i give up hope?? Back and forth I go......

Thanks for hanging with me...Don't let me make you dizzy!!!!!