Seriously, you need some counseling. Forget having a good sex life with W right now. You are not in a place to have a good sex life with anyone. Time to get some IC and get to a better place.
My wife and I have both been to extensive counseling, both jointly and individually, and it has helped a lot. We both learned to separate our sexual differences from everything else we share. I'm in a place to have a good sex life anytime. But my wife is not interested.
To repeat, I don't automatically assume there is anything wrong with my wife for not being interested in sex. Plenty of people don't have sex (especially if they are single and live alone). It's just not what I want, that's all. I don't know why you think that automatically makes me "not in a place to have sex with anyone", except in the obvious sense that I don't have a willing partner.
