Wow, found my thread back on page 4...guess things are going ok. Got over my cold and my son got it, poor thing. But he was better in time for midterms starting today, too, so at least he isn't behind. Well, not behind in taking the tests, anyway. He is still not doing well in his classes, and until he gets some internal motivation, there is a limit on what influence I will be able to have. He already has the consequence of being off the ROTC drill team until the grades improve, and missed a snowboarding trip.
Even with all that, though, our relationship is still pretty good. He talks to me about his life, his thoughts. Its a fine line - I want him to feel comfortable talking to me, but he also has to respect my position of authority and not argue EVERY little decision I make (he might be a tad too comfortable, you know?)
Anyway, kids will be away for the weekend and I have lots to catch up on.
I've got a lot of things going in the right direction in my life, but others still need work. I have no energy. I feel like my body is still trying to make up for the nearly two years of insomnia - I am tired all the time, and taking naps too often. I am watching my diet/caffine, but something else has to work. I know exercise might help, but I can't get the energy to even start. I'm on the lowest-dose of effexor, now, and really want to wean off the rest of the way in the coming weeks. I have to make an appt with the psych to get the schedule - maybe she'll have some ideas about the energy.
I have lots of PLANS for being organized, but am still procrastinating in actually DOING a bunch of it! My time management sucks. I want a magic wand.
On a positive note, things at work are going smoother - I am back to normal capacity (nothing above and beyond just yet, but that's ok). SO glad to be back "in the game" there. Its hard to teach little kids when they sense that you aren't 100%. I need to get back to my grad studies, but I'm really apprehensive to take the classes back on just now - seems like I'm balancing a little more precariously than I would like. It has to happen soon, though - I need to finish for my license.
Balance....still trying to find it, I think. I want to make more time for friends, doing things, but there is all this other stuff that I have to get done.
The undercurrent of being divorced, all that I went through, missing that life, has gotten much quieter. It is still there, though, and shows itself more in my dreams. Like they say, seems to be a matter of time.
A thought just broke through while I am sitting here: I asked myself if I am happy...
I am growing. I am learning. I am striving to become a better person. I am loving my kids. I have moments of laughter - feels good to be able to laugh again. I have many blessings, including my family and friends, church, a home, a job, pets, being able to get outside and enjoy nature...
But I don't know if I can say that I am happy....not yet.
