What can I do to save my marriage? Help

[Deep]

I wish you the best. I can kinda see two different points of view here.

I can understand about the unconditional love; we're all different and there is some belief that some people may react well to that. But it's also a fact that forgiveness and love can be completely independent of your R status. You could totally unconditionally love your W and forgive her while being divorced from her, while she is still seeing OM, or if you reconcile. I posted before that I do believe that there is a Hell, and a heck of a lot of people in misery in there, and that God loves them all, unconditionally, but they're still there, and still suffering, because they are given choices and they choose to make the wrong ones.

Unconditional love and conditional relationships are probably the most I can say about "ideal" situations. I'm sorry, but being in any relationship comes with obligations, commitment, benefits, and duties. No one party can free the other of these even if you wanted to, it's part of the territory.

For reconcilation to have a chance, forgiveness is meaningful when there is remorse. Remorse is often driven home by painful learning. That's why humans were driven out from Eden from teh beginning - we gotta pay our dues and learn our way.

Unconditional love should not be confused with trying to pay someone else's dues for them. You can release them from the debts of resentment, pain, anger and hurt they may "owe" you, but the picture is bigger than just you.

Others have already pointed out the fact that the prodigal son had to suffer, learn, and return with remorse. I'll add this - Jesus forgave those who hurt Him. He also rebuked many, including the Pharisees. "If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him". Afterall, "better is open rebuke, than hidden love" as Proverbs put it.

People on these boards mean well, and many have seen how tough love is needed precisely to break the WAS fog and confusion. But each of us know our own sitch best, and make our choices as best we can. I too, broke some DB principles and practised small doses of "unconditional love" with discretion. Doesn't always work and I'm still learning.

Oh, and I would love to look up you folks in the alt too .