Pls help--confused and fearful

[Day by Day]

Journaling... hope I don't jinx myself... WAH has been really quiet and that's a relief in a way. The break from him has helped a lot. But I'm feeling kind of lost. Curious feeling. Maybe it was the stress of my dad's surgery yesterday. Felt all alone and had to support my mom. I wished I had WAH to just hold me and tell me things were going to be ok. But, I made it though and best of all so did my dad.

Wish WAH and I could just calmly, politely talk and he wouldn't be so angry and cruel. The kids say he's getting even touchier. Like hair-trigger anger with clerks if he doesn't get his way. He doesn't even ask the kids about their lives, school, grades, friends, hobbies. Definitely not the man I married. Strange thing is that the kids now think he's on drugs he's so different. All these years, I would never suspect he would, but then again, I never expected this sitch. But, really, what is it with so many others here describing their "alien" spouses?? They just all lost their minds, their integrity, their values? It's so hard to understand.

Haven't heard from OW's xH either. I'm better off not knowing what's going on with that trio. And, no, I don't think he's stalking me anymore.

I'm having a hard time completing the D paperwork to turn in. I'm procrastinating. Silly me thinking WAH might have a change of heart with all this quiet. Hope doesn't seem to die... How can I think this after all he's done and said? I even wonder if there is some more/other DBing I can do. Yet the thought of him coming back is distressing too.

I know it's just a waiting game on his part to see me exhaust all the funds he left me and beg him for money or file. I haven't written him asking for money anymore. I had enough rejection and dealing with "Mr. Hyde". At least I don't have those intense mean feelings WAH has. I just wish for understanding. I know... I may never understand or get closure.