H suddenly moved out 10 days ago...I'm devastated

[WhatNow]

I have been following your thread because I am in a similar sitch but maybe a week or so ahead of you. I will share some of the things I have been doing differently ( not all DB endorsed).

Re: GAL... I too liked my life as it was, very full and busy. So, I have started small, I now wear eyeliner! Now I am looking into yoga studios. Do you know a few women? Get 12 together for a monthly bunko or book club night. I think the point is to add something new to your life, not totally change it ALL now...We've had enough of that to adjust to, once they move out.

Re: H moving out. I told H when he left to take what he needed cuz he wasn't welcomed to in and out privileges. I told him his choice to leave was so painful for me that continued contact with him would be impossible for me. He was choosing to leave, so I was freeing him to his choices (and their consequences) Then I had the locks changed. The No contact has made it much easier to take my focus off of him, and focus on me and my kids. I am much more at ease and am even enjoying my freedom to putz around the house, cook what I like, and watch TV all night! You have NO CONTROL over what he does! He is obviously in chaos and willingly sharing that with you. I encourage you to step out of it. Make it clear to him, maybe in an email, so he can revisit it, That you do not want D, that you want him to return, but meanwhile you need space "to clear your head" and to protect yourself from further pain. Then make yourself scarce. He must be very attached to you, and may only notice when you are not always available to meet a need. It is working for me, so far.

Re: removing furniture. If it is something stored in the basement or garage, I wouldn't have a problem letting him have it now. BUT...if it is something that would cause a big change in a room, No way! Like I said above, We have had enough change for now! The kids especially need to feel home is secure base and if big furniture is disappearing along with Dad, they will wonder what or who will be next, adding to their insecurity.

Let me know what you think.