Thanks LR-why is this so hard for me? I just keep hoping he will see that the grass isn't always greener but it is hard when I think about him having OW keeping him company! I have been going crazy all day at home alone! The internet was down for awhile...aahh! I did get a cubby cleaned out and a big pot of soup on but as I was cleaning the cubby, found lots of pics, some recent, some old from when me and H were first dating...was really hard!!! Kids will be home soon now so have to get ahold of myself!
I am also really starting to worry about finances. With all of H's hospital/doctor bills starting to roll in and car ins due and me home again due to ice storm (I work on commission!)
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Its early days hun, takes practise to get in the DB flow and we all make slip ups or need to ask advice on occasions so dont beat yourself up!
Finances are a worry for most of us, mine arnt too pretty at all, Ive had to go back to work and were still up the proverbial creek at the moment.
Try and change your thought tack on OW dont think of what she is giving him in a good way, just remember how much hassle having a new person in your life is, you try to do your best all the time, you mind your p&q's, costs you a fortune in dates and flowers and you get no ME time, he is gonna be exhausted lol!
Keep just putting one foot infront of the other hun you will get somewhere even if its not where you thought you were going it will be good!
Last edited by Lost Rabbit; 01/20/1010:24 PM.
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thanks Luvless and LR- I was just reading over in H4L's thread about the "timeline"-1 yr for every month-ugh! But, I guess it is kinda like gaining and losing weight...it took years to put it on so it should take awhile to take it off. The M took years to get to this point so I suppose it will take months to get back the the starting point!
Thinking of you guys too!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Just read quickly through your thread and noticed this especially:
Quote:
It just seems like a lot of other DBer's on here have had their spouses tell them WHY they want out of the marraige and what faults the LBS has and the only thing I have gotten from H is that he thinks he loves OW. He has not pointed out any faults in me...
Ditto for me too. I got the "It's not you it's me" and "I just need time for myself" - HUGE RED OW FLAG that I was completely naive about.
4 months later the admission - "I'm in love with someone else, but you're a great person and have been a great wife".
So I tried the friendly, nice approach - didn't work. Created cake eating big time. I regret not giving him the boot immediately.
Anyway, you might also want to check out the book "He's Just Not That Into You" - amazing insights into the male/female dynamics and the law that's as old as the universe:
The boy must chase the girl. That's the only way it works.
Stay strong and stay away from him!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
If you keep thinking of OW keeping him company, imagine her keeping him company in the DUMP he is living in! don't offer ANY creature comforts. He's a big boy. If he needs sheets or a chair, he can ask for them. AND if it doesn't inconvenience you, he can have it.
Don't help to create a cozy little nest for them!
Me: 44 Him: 42 Together: 23 years; never married Bomb: August 1, 2009 Affair since May 2009 Walk away; no conversation; no process
Hi Silver Fox- I am sorry to see that you are in the same sitch! Thank you for recommending "He's Just Not That Into You". So far, the "Why Men Love Bitches" has been very enlightening! When H and I first met, he is the one that did all the pursuing. On our wedding night he said "you are finally mine"! This book hits it right on! I think after he left the first time, I did become a doormat and have been one for 9yrs!!! I was afraid he'd leave again! Wow! All the range of emotions and all the light bulbs that go on during this process!
Aver-good to hear from you again! You are right! I don't want H to be too comfortable!
I am so thankful for this site and all of you! Thankyou!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Dangit! H just called and I should have let it go to VM but I didn't ! He never calls so I thought it might be important. S14 had called him and left a message so he was looking for him. I did keep it short though and said that he was at school and H told me what the message was and I confirmed it and that was it!
That's all I got this morning!
M48 H53 M16 T18 S16 D13 SS30 H drops bomb PA/8-30-09 H leaves 12-30-09 D filed by H 2-10 H asks to come home 4-11 Piecing
Oh well cant be helped but next time let it go to VM, if its urgent you can always say you were in the bathroom and phone him right back..
BTW no wonder youre really worried about the timeline you got it back to front lol, its 1 month for every year, not one year for every month, if it was that I think we all admit defeat and sign the papers straight away!
It is difficult having the kids going back and forth between your H and you, although my S is twenty one at the beginning he used to tell me about what his dad was doing, sometimes in an excited way, in the end I had to get his GF bless her to tell him if he didnt stop I couldnt spend time with him as he was rubbing my face in it, unless his dad was dead that was really the only time I wanted to know! Very hard but the only way I could cope, although as time went on and S told his dad a few home truths I cant say I didnt enjoy hearing about those lol!
____________________________
W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
