There was a bit of a crisis yesterday, precipitated by STBXMRSSP's session with her therapist on Monday. The bit of a crisis was touch-and-go for a couple hours. It could have been bad. But STBXMRSSP and I talked it through on the telephone, cordially, without rancor. She got edgy / panicky, which is uncharacteristic of her, and I maintained my mojo and stayed cool and talked her off the ledge, which was uncharacteristic of me during the M. Role-reversal. Ended on a positive note.
She asked me if I would share my POV on a particular matter; I did, and in so doing pointed out that, from my POV, she has been wallowing in MLC and has underestimated the impact of her rejection of me on me, largely because she herself has essentially never been rejected.
I pointed out that, when she was rejected by Signore Schmuckatelli -- and I used her specific words to characterize that affair (no big deal, only once, etc. etc.) and then (being Smiley's Person Himself) pushed the outside of the envelope and used her words to other people, ferreted out by surveillance activities, about Signore that painted quite a different picture -- she went into a tailspin, to the point of crying about it in front of me! "So here's this affair you claimed lasted no more than 6 months, wasn't that memorable, was based on 'a couple' phone conversations only, and ended not with a bang (hah!) but a whimper, and you went into full-bore self-pity mode: you're obviously repulsive, no one wants you, etc. etc. -- TO ME!
"So maybe you could put yourself in my shoes -- 22 years, commitment, children, and then to be told 'I don't want you anymore'?
"That's rejection!"
So take that, I suggested, and multiply by an order of magnitude and perhaps you have a sense of what a Left-Behind Spouse goes through.
She didn't reply right away to that e-mail, which worried me, but she was apparently thinking about it. And her reply basically boiled down to: I hadn't thought about it that way; I don't know if you're right about MLC, but I don't know if you're wrong either; I hear what you're saying.
And nary a word about being busted on the lies about Signore which is also uncharacteristic, because historically (i.e., the last year) she would have thrown that back in my face with a dismissive "that's all in your head!"
And that dialog, too, ended on a cordial note.
Refreshing.
----------------- * @gypsy
Prime real estate in my head is owned by sex. Sorry.
