Well, I have returned, but not quite as triumphant as perhaps I should be. First I want to share some good stuff!
Today I drove into the city just off the base, found the WalMart my H couldn't find in the last two weeks, and made it back home without getting lost! This may sound little to you, but for me it's like climbing a mountain. LOL, I am what is politely termed "geographically challenged." My house is about 85% unpacked and looks like a house rather than a box village. I love AZ; it is beautiful and I can't wait to explore all the things to do here!
And now for my M. I fell off the wagon. I won't lie; it was dumb. I knew better. Things were going so well with my H, I foolishly allowed myself to pretend/believe that things are better. The only result of that is me hurt and confused and him able to keep playing both sides of the fence. But I am headed back on track - no pursuing, no pursuing, no pursuing (insert to infinity).
I have been doing some of the things that were suggested - let him serve himself, go places and not ask him, ask him for help and not correct him. He brought home three wrong things from the grocery store and I said nothing! And he loaded the dishwasher totally crazy (on purpose I think) and I ran it exactly as it was, didn't move a thing.
And I have a dilemma too. I'm hoping Hose is hanging around to have some input here. My H has PTSD. How could any of our soldiers not? And I want to be very clear - I do not think this is an excuse for the A. But I am afraid that the approach to cope with the one may worsen the other. He feels trapped inside his own mind - his own words. He feels totally isolated. It's hard to watch. I am beginning to fear that even if I don't lose him to the OW, I will lose him to the demons in his head.
On the up side, my H has not been calling, texting, IM'ing, or e-mailing the OW since we got here, not from the house anyway. I know that five days hardly constitutes a breakthrough. But I was afraid he would flaunt it at every opportunity. And now it sucks whenever he goes anywhere alone because I remember how it was. I could make a thirty minute errand last three hours so I could talk to my ex OM. And so I envision my H doing the same thing.
But despite my many frailties and failings, I have not directly asked my H about the A or the OW at all. I have foolishly alluded to them, but I try to resist. For example, he called me just before the move and told me about fixing someone's computer for them. No big surprise, that's what he does all day. But apparently this person was so relieved they said ILY to my H. Normally not something that would even get my attention. But under the current circumstances, it sort of rankled. I made the mistake of asking (jokingly) if this was a guy. Of course it wasn't. And then I was really mad because some complete non-entity of a woman can say ILY to my H and I can't. There have been a couple other slip-ups like that, but rarely.
I'm just sort of in a valley right now, so hang in there with me, my friends. Thanks.
undefeated 24 H 24 S's 4, 2, 1 M 5 yrs
"Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all." ~Dale Carnegie
There have been a couple other slip-ups like that, but rarely. 
