Can I save my marriage?

[Steve McQueen]

...which doesn't make sense.

makes perfect sense!

christmas and the holidays are over, kids are back in school, work is in full swing again.

The married other woman is back in the picture.

DONT BE BLIND.

[Lll54]

I dont think my husband loves me anymore. I think he came home cause I was being mysterious and having a life and he liked that. I wasnt happy with his life and living with his sister. So he came home. And he is realizing now that he doesnt love me and he is not happy with me and that is why he is never home anymore. I give it to the weekend before he moves out again.

[TrentC]

What are you going to do to change that?

Why are you mind-reading? Has that ever worked for you?

You say he liked the new, mysterious, adventurous you. Where did that person go?

[Lll54]

I cant change it. Its inevitable. He didnt come home after work last night again. Went out for drinks with his crew then went to another pub with other friends. Didnt see his boys again. He doesnt even care to see them. Or me. I cant change anything now. I have worked on myself and made the necessary changes for the last four months. I am tired. I cant be that mysterious spontaneous person because I have a one and three year old that need to be taken case of. With H not home ever I have no choice but to be at home with my kids. I do not have a social life anymore because he never ever has the kids anymore.

[TrentC]

Then it sounds like you have to force the issue. Ask him to go to MC with you.

If he doesn't, then tell him you're going to file for divorce.

He's holding onto the only power he has over you -- the fear that you won't kick him out. Take that away from him and see what happens.

But you can't bluff. If you tell him you're going to file, you have to be ready to follow through. If he senses you're bluffing, you won't have a leg to stand on.

[Ready2Change]

Hi sweetie,

When your H is not living up to his responsibilities, I bet you feel frustrated. I want to suggest that you force him to live up to his responsibilities. Setting a boundary with him is the mechanism to do this. You give him a choice. He either works on the marriage and is there for the family, or you will end it. This is just a snapshot in time. Things always change. A year from now things could be way different if you are continually taking actions.

[CityGirl]

Well, you had your one and three year old when your H wasn't living with you, right? And you said you were mysterious then and it caught his eye. Correct? So you can do it, even with a 1 & 3 year old since you did it once before.

Boundaries are the name of the game here. I know it is very scary to set them but you have to or else nothing will change for YOU!

[flowmom]

Britt, I know how hard it is with young children. I so get the "tired". The truth is that parenting in a nuclear family with no support is super hard on parents and marriages. It wasn't meant to be this way...Can you think of something that would rejuvenate you and specifically ask your H to take care of the children during the time frame that it would take you to do that activity?

[Lll54]

CG, the thing is, when he was gone he would have them for four days in a row so I had ME time. Now I have them every single day. I cant afford a babysitter every week to go and be mysterious and spontaneous. Its hard too when now that he is home I just coun spend time with him! Not my friends everyday.

[CityGirl]

Ok - I understand. That is why you need to set a boundary so you do have time. It might not be four days but something.