How do you release the anger?

[ddstartingover]

I hurt H's feelings last week by taking D16 to both of her softball practices. He let me know this by sending text early Sunday morning asking me to have girls at the gym for pitching lessons by 11:55. Now, he has always picked them up and taken them on Sundays (well, always when they are scheduled), so this suggestion that I meet him there was an obvious jab at how he felt left out. I also told him that I scheduled D16's follow-up surgery appt. I took the first available, and knew it would be at a time that he couldn't go----but after all, I assumed D16 would rather I go with her. BUT, H again was upset that I would assume this-----yes, it's a gyn appt., but he was sure that a post surgical appt. would not involve anything D would be uncomfortable about with him. In fact, there was a lot of talk about cycles and things that D looked to me to answer. I know that I made the right choice.

I just don't understand why he now feels like I'm leaving him left out of things like Dr. appts.-----I have always taken the kids to ALL of their Dr/Dentist appts. I think H has taken D16 to one appt. in 16 years. This has always been my job----but now, he sees it as me trying to keep him out of the loop.

I read so many posts about people complaining that their H's distance themselves from their kids, but my H seems to think there is some sort of competition going on, and that everything I do is some sort of slight to cheat him out of his time. I agreed to his schedule---he gets them 2 nights a week and every other weekend, but he has now assured that the 2 nights he has them there are baseball/softball practices scheduled and he does his best to fill the weekends up with ball----or now band practice. Since buying S11 a drum set for Christmas, he has made him part of the band----so I guess now ok that he has band practice on his weekends. THIS is because he wanted it this way. I remain more flexible than I think most people in my situation would be, because the kids come first. Sometimes D16 complains about how "crazy" dad acts, but he wants to spend time with them, so I agree to it all.

Most of the time it just seems that he's angry with me----nothing I do is right, so I wonder why do I try so hard to please him.