I think you are doing things right and I am glad you are interested in saving your M.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
You're right about the enabling. If HE wants to see the kids then he needs to make arrangements to see them. Don't go out of your way to do so. What you're going to find out is that while you're doing all this for him, he's going to be finding OW. Stop the cake eating.
You can definitely be nice to him and enjoyable to be around, but no favors.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"What I am doing is making sure my kids spend time with their dad."
It's not your job to keep everyone happy. Does he want to spend time with them? If so, then fine, let him make the arrangements. There's a fine line between being amicable and being a doormat.
Let me put it to you this way. If he was seeing someone else and you knew the person would be at his house, would you still happily take the kids to his place? Would you happily pass your kids along to let OW play with them?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
If he was seeing someone else and you knew the person would be at his house, would you still happily take the kids to his place? Would you happily pass your kids along to let OW play with them?
Ouch. My answer would be no on that one.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
"What I am doing is making sure my kids spend time with their dad."
It's not your job to keep everyone happy. Does he want to spend time with them? If so, then fine, let him make the arrangements. There's a fine line between being amicable and being a doormat.
Let me put it to you this way, If he was seeing someone else and you knew the person would be at his house, would you still happily take the kids to his place? Would you happily pass your kids along to let OW play with them?
I am not trying to make everyone happy. I care about my kids being happy, and right now, he has no means to get them, and considering he is being more than generous financially, it's the least I can do.
If he had an OW, yes, I would still take my kids. As I said, I can't control what H does, but if he chooses to find an OW, as long as she is good to my kids, I'd be happy. They come first. Always.
Stuck, before the past 2 weekends SG's H hadn't seen the kids for 8 weeks. What she is doing IS for the kids. There is no reason to alienate him from them.
What's wrong with her gently easing in the transition and help him out with seeing the kids. I don't see a problem with her stepping up and DOING THE RIGHT THING. Why should the kids suffer, especially since he is doing right by her regarding the finances. I'm not say she do this indefinitely.
Also, if he has "run away" this gives SG an opportunity to touch base and for H to see her 180's... if she doesn't do this he will never see the changes in her.
There is dual-purpose to this tactic. Hope this explains things.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
