I am not ok with the OM being there and I have let it be known. She feels very guilty when she sees or talks to OM and I believe that is why she is starting to ignore him again.
She reminds me of a junkie. She feels angry after we have an argument, she looks for a fix to make her feel better (talking to or seeing OM), he tells her she is good and just, she leaves or hangs up on OM, reality sets in and she feels guilty about getting her 'high'.
This comes from her observed behavior. I am counting on the IC to help her with her external validation issue. It is not until she learns to validate and value herself that she will be happy. Until she is happy with herself she is not much good to me.
Running to OM makes her feel good for a short period of time and after that wears off she feels the guilt and has said on numerous occasions that she is worthless and no man should want her because she is a cheat.
This is for the IC to help her with.
I am beginning to be happy again and what it took for me was to realize my issues that need work and to begin working on them. Also realizing that I had been unpleasant to be around for my family and friends. I have been changing these attitudes and habits and giving more of myself to my family and my friends. When I do this I see their happiness and it makes me feel good about me.
This is the way my wife used to be and she is hurting because she is missing the feeling of self worth.
True internal happiness (and it took several months to learn) comes from admitting your faults and working on them and being kind and loving to others. You recieve that witch you give. For so long I gave grief and anger. No more.
I know that W sees and knows the difference as she pops out of the fog every so often.
I am still a work in progress and I have backslid several times and when I do, like a groundhog, my wife scrabbles back to the fog.
I need to work more on consistent.
Me 33 WAW 32 S12 S4 S2 M12 T14 Not wanting to ever give up.
