Can a hysterectomy have changed my wife?

[TeaEarlGreyHot]

First, and I say this because there is likely no quick solution, you probably should dial back the frenetic appearance, if you can.

Second, I recommend some research on your part on hysterectomy. There a number of good sites out there that describe, in very broad ways, the physical and psychological side effects of the various procedures. Read, but do not write, in the comments/blog portions of those websites AND be forewarned that you will read some relatively depressing stories. Remember, you wil rarely get someone writing in these sites extolling how great the hysterectomy was for their life. Oh, they are out there, they just are not complaining about their life like "we" are.

You will find three dominant themes; one from the male perspective, two from the female. I've wrtten on that elsewhere, but it would be useful to see if you can detect what they are.

Third, and this can be tough, set aside some time, maybe an hour a day to write out your thoughts. I can do that at the keyboard and always have been able to. Some write most effectively with pen and paper in a spiral bound notebook (I've done that to). What to write? What you are thinking, what you are feeling, what outcome you would choose...later, how that will happen (because you don't know how that is going to happen, otherwise you would have already done that). How and who to write to?

Write it to yourself in the future is one suggestion. Write it to tell your story to others who don't know you or your children who don't know the full nature of what is going on. Write it to your wife so that if you were to die, she would know how much you love (loved) her. If you choose that latter route, do not go into it trying to make sure how "sorry" she will feel in the event you die. I've done all of the above and even combined them into one document.

Be honest, because one of the things that can happen is that by processing this stuff and looking for patterns (and you will find patterns), you may and likely will discover insights into who you and your wife are and what really is running the show. Include what is "different" or how she has changed in specific ways.

Don't share it with her and here either. After a couple of weeks you'll know whether this is working for you to sort things out.

After a couple of weeks or even a month, you should have some frame of how to approach her.

there is a delicate balance between giving space and keeping alive the hope that love will endure and win out. We each have to find our own way on that and there are no guarantees that it will all work out the way you want right now.