feel like giving up - talk to me!

[flowmom]

When you are locked in a power struggle it is very hard to embrace the good things. Don't let the good things be buried under nonsense. What is more important? Rebuilding your very long term marriage or planning the next comeback you can throw at your H when he throws them at you?

I'm not caught up on your situation, but CG makes a really good point. Maybe all the hurt and confusion that you're feeling right now could be channelled into something safer, like writing a letter where you pour it all out (then burn it!)? The more hurtful or dismissive comments you make, the more your H will want to protect himself and will treat you in a more callous way. I know because my H and I haven't treated one another with the tenderness that we both deserve for a long time. That's the stated reason for him abandoning our family life and a rich R of 17 years .

It sounds like you need to figure out what setting boundaries vs. self-protection means in your situation:

luvless: <frowning> you've been using your Blackberry all day! weekends are for family. [I see this more as self-protection rather than boundary setting]
vs.
luvless: <smiling> hey, could you put the Blackberry away? i'd love to just chat right now. [this is an invitation where you're making yourself vulnerable in a good way, and you're not making him wrong for checking his Blackberry]

I'm new at DBing so please disregard if my thoughts are off-base.

I wish you the strength that you'll need to continue DBing right now.