You're right. You have every reason to be done with it. But that "I can't get the flavor back" logic is the same kind of reasoning our spouses have used on us, and we are currently in the process of improving ourselves.
Just something to think about. She may or may not be worth the wait or the work. Ultimately, you're the expert there.
Age: 28 Wife's Age: 28 Relationship: 10 Years (dated on and off) Married: Less than one year Seperated: 1.75 years, finally served with D 4/30/2011
I understand. Sometimes the info we think we are working with is not reality (one affair vs. multiple affairs). I get it!
For your own future though (and this is what I am really working on now) sometimes it really hampers our own progress to say "I can't". Maybe you could but you choose NOT to. And that is okay!
Well, I can tell you that the way I wrote that, is to me, unique to my sitch. I didn't mean to imply that ALL M's were like this. I meant it in reference to my sitch. I apologize if I offended anyone. I know how much work everyone on this board is doing, and I will continue to work on myself as well.
"embrace the suck" - Coach "don't go all "Melty Man" on us" - Puppy Let Go and Let God Finally "Got It" - 15 Jan 2010
I hear what you are sayin'. The thing is, I just can't get past the multiple partner thing. I just can't. I've tried to, but I can't.
And I'm not telling you that you should. I was just challenging the thinking that marriages have a "flavor" that just wears out over time.
You need to do what is best for you and the kids.
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
Sometimes it is helpful to be challenged. It doesn't mean you are wrong or somebody else is right. IMO part of personal growth is to be challenged with other ideas or viewpoints.
Multiple affairs is not okay. I think we ALL agree with that.
Then maybe it isn't "Can't", but it also isn't yet "Choose not to"...
Could it be you "Don't know how" to forgive for what she has done?
Because in that case, that is what counselors/pastors etc. are here for! They help with that.
Sorry if I overgeneralize. That word "can't" just strikes a nerve with me. BC my WAH says often that he "can't" figure out how to have a future with me, he "can't" forgive and let go of the past.
I have a different opinion. It is more of a 'want' thing.
For example, I "can't" speak French.
No amount of wishing, praying, hoping, THINKING will suddenly make me speak French.
Because on a basic level, "I don't know how" to speak French.
However, if it were something I really desired, I would seek out a class, a tutor, rosetta stone or whatever to start learning.
Since I haven't, I would say that means I don't really want to do it.
So ultimately it becomes, "I don't want to speak French", or "I choose not to speak French".
Weird analogy but I hope you get what I am trying to say....
If someone cannot forgive, is it because they don't know how or they choose not to? It could be either, or both, ultimately.
I apologize if I offended anyone. I know how much work everyone on this board is doing, and I will continue to work on myself as well.
We understand; all of us have been lost and hurting, and many of us still are.
Honestly? I'd love to see you beat the odds and rebuild your marriage. But I also know that life isn't a romantic comedy, and the guy doesn't always get the girl in the end.
Sometimes there's too much pain, too much anger, and too much resentment. You can only put up with so much before you feel you have to say "enough!"
Me: 44, Wife: 39 M: 17 years T: 20 years Bomb on 08/25/09 1/13/10: MC started 1/28/10, 2/8/10: More bombs 8/28/10: Wife moved out No talk of D, no movement
They help with that.