1)Today was day 2 of Boot Camp. Still amazing to me that I can run 5 miles but 5 minutes of interval/circuit stuff has me drained and weak!
2)This afternoon I have my first IC session. I went to IC in Kansas City after the bomb and it was so helpful. I am hoping to be able to work on detachment, getting past my past/breakup, etc with her.
3)Dan is back...the first 2 nights I fell asleep on the couch b/c he fell asleep in the kids room and I was waiting for him to come out and give me the docs. I know he is tired but I imagine he was also avoiding a little.
So last night was a repeat, him asleep in the kids' room. I was out all evening working at a wrestling meet so I only saw him in passing as I got home and he was getting the kids ready for bed.
Forgot to mention that when he left Monday he said ‘we can talk tomorrow night’—this was already 12:30 am so I let it go at that. Anyway I went in and thumped him a couple times after kids were asleep bc I wanted to get to bed, had to get up at 5 again this morning for boot camp.
He came out around 11:15 finally and sat in the rocker/glider instead of just getting his coat like he usually does. I asked him if he had the papers with him. He said no. I asked if he had signed them, again he said no.
Then he went in to a lot of his feelings, about how he doesn’t want to get d’d for a multitude of reasons, financial, family/kids, all the repercussions of a D. And he said he realized that I was different and that now I supported his goals, etc etc but he didn’t know how to let go of the past. I acknowledged and said I understood, that I was working on letting go of my past too (dealing with his affairs). I just told him that for his own sake he would have to find a way to let it go even if we were divorced. He agreed.
Then he went back to his standby that he doesn’t trust women in general anymore, that at this point the women in his office annoy him, his mom/sisters annoy him, he hears the ‘crap’ the guys he works with are dealing with w/their wives and he just doesn’t know if it is worth it to have a relationship with a woman. I said that concerned me b/c Sydney will obv. be a woman someday. He said he knew that and it frustrated him b/c he knew as long as he felt this way, he would never be able to have a relationship with anyone, me or someone else down the road…
Again I just said it sucked that he felt that way, and he said that he would have to find a way to work on that feeling b/c it was not a good place to be. He just didn’t know how to change it. I just said that he would probably need outside help with that and he agreed.
Anyway at that point it was 1 am and I told him I had to go to bed. So I got up and went to bed at 1:15 and woke up at 5 for boot camp. I imagine he will bring the papers with him tonight since he admits he doesn’t know how to have a relationship and doesn’t seem to be in a hurry to change that.
I know it sounds dumb, but this week it has almost bothered me that Tiger Woods went to rehab. I mean, some are saying it is just a marketing/PR move. But I would like to think that there are some men out there who genuinely see the error of their ways and take actual ACTIONS to change their lives for the better…
